#anyway now that i am not drunk i can explain my thoughts better

[bluegarners]

okay but to like put this with numbers, duos normally operate on a 1:1 ratio, duh. but with batman and robin, which some people have pointed out, both mantles are technically replaceable and meant to passed on. however, the thing i was trying to point out, is that the ratio is not consistent.

in the beginning, it was 1:1, 1 batman for every 1 robin. and then it became 1:2 ratio, 1 batman for now 2 robins. and then it was 1 batman for 3 robins. for a second, it was 1.5:3 (counting jpv). then 4 robins. and then we got a second batman, so it became 2.5:5. counting carrie, that's 2.5:6. like, the turn around time for robin being replaced is much quicker than a batman being replaced. sure, the title is mainly just the title, but robin is wearing the colors and the mask and the name of the one that came before them, another robin that this same batman worked with before the new one came about. the longest time a batman ever had a robin was about 7-8 years, and then it got exponentially shorter with every new robin

i'm not looking at this from a doyalist pov, this is purely watsonian and treated as such, you know? like some people have said that even in-universe it's not that crazy but i think it is because yeah robin is a metaphor in a sense for kids to look up to, but why do they always want to be robin and not someone else!! why do they never pick their own name!! why do they never create a purely original costume and role and name for themselves when they become part of that partnership!! do they just fall into it? do they think it's the only thing they're allowed to do? or can robin only exist in the context of batman?

dick started robin and the narrative made robin like a living thing, another hero, rather than just a hero name. the kids are meant to be replaced, but not robin! a kid steps into the mask and cape and knows that they can die but robin can't and will never! someone else will quickly step into their still warm boots and clip on the unwashed cape. the replacement cycle will spit them out when robin needs newer flesh, brighter aspirations, bigger hearts, and this has to be acknowledged by any kid that allows robin to wear their skin for a spell

so i guess a better way to phrase my original post is that batman and robin are impossible to replace, but those that fill the shoes of robin are endless. batman and robin never die but the ones that wear the mask do, and there have been triple the amount of robins as there have been batmans

it is a little horrifying to think about how batman & robin as partners operate. what other mentee and protege duo repeatedly replaces the protege with the same name over and over again? why is it essential that the protege must be named robin for batman to work with them so closely? one grows up and another dies and another leaves and still another shows up and their name is still robin. it’s always robin. what other hero out there wears the mask of not only their own secret identity but every robin before them? what other hero is so clearly aware of their replaceability as soon as they put on the cape?

[thedeskofaltoclef]

How I became The Desk of Alto Clef.

My response to a SCP Group designed around Hate and Bigotry who have targeted me and others in this community.

Nah, man, my daughter is dead.

It has been brought to my attention that there is a group of people on the internet who are fascinated with my fascination of Alto Clef and Meri. Hurtful and yet cute in a way so I think now I'll choose this time and these screen grabs from their discord to explain how I came to be 'The Desk of Alto Clef'.

My Daughter died six years ago and it sent me spiraling deep into the bottom of whatever bottle I could find.

I was completely prepared to take my own life and even had the things to 'finish the job' because my life had no meaning at that point. What was another statistic going to matter anyways, right?

It was in one of these dark, drunk moments with a gun when I fell across the Volgun's video on 'reality benders and you' and fell into a rabbit hole.

Drunkenly I fumbled around the wiki and learned more about this broken man known as Alto Clef.

A man whom I could relate to in my own way. A man who, no matter what he did, could never see his daughter as I will never be able to see mine. So thus, I became a very, very shitty cosplayer.

I like to believe that over the past four years my acting ability has increased to a sustainable level and as much as I joke about things I do try to stay humble about it. Though I like to think I've become better but I digress.

I love the lore of Clef and Meri, on or offsite, to the point that I am weird about it I know, but that's how I stay connected to my daughter. Writing the Deskverse is how I stay connected to my daughter.

I am also autistic which causes me to hyper fixate on Clef as a coping mechanism.

Because of this group of people I have greatly considered leaving the community and going back to my own personal solitude. Acting, Voice Acting, Cosplaying as Clef gave and still gives me something to live for again. I may not be this group's cup of tea but I do like to believe that I have helped others. My main goal has always been to uplift those who need uplifting. I do not want anyone to ever feel how I felt in my lowest and darkest moments.

The main story in the deskverse is about a father and a daughter torn apart by the actions of an abusive mother. My real life story.

I also have ZERO clue as to why I am being involved with misogyny or yuri things. If I have offended you in any way I do apologize.

I do not plan on posting the more 'suggestive' or 'lewd' responses they have made. Overly sexualized content does make me extremely uncomfortable.

This group of people have broken my heart into pieces. Seeing this list of images and names dragging me through the mud has already smashed my unstable self-esteem as it is.

At this time I do not plan on releasing any names associated with all of this because I am honestly tired of reliving the most horrid event of my life over and over because I, for whatever reason, do not fit what this group feels is acceptable of an actor/writer/fan.

I cannot say the same for the others in which they were assaulting.

In summary Alto Clef is an outlet for the pain I live with every day. I can never see, hold, hear, smell, or speak to my daughter. I have scars on my body from her mother that will never allow me to forget that life I had. I will always remember the taste of gunpowder but thankfully my drunk ass was too weak. If your going to be bad at something, be bad at that I suppose.

I will leave all of this with a final image from the copious list and the one that honestly hurts me the most. I am honestly a shy and reserved person and frankly it takes a lot for me to get out of my comfort zone. Not long ago I went to another SCP discord server because I wanted to meet new people and someone in there was awesome. I truly enjoyed my time with this person and just found them amazing. They were kind, open, willing to listen to my ideas, and gushed over Numberonedoggo. I thought I had finally made a new friend on my own. I was apparently wrong.

Art, from some of my favorite artists, was made for the sole reason of mocking me specifically. To laugh at me for finding joy in something that gives me purpose. Something I use to drive away the darkness.

No age, disorder, illness, or reason at all can be acceptable for anyone to act in this way. You are all a mockery of everything the SCP community should stand for.

-TheDesk

[mercy-burning]

Christmas Miracles

Mercy’s Ficmas 2024 | Main Masterlist

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Summary: Spencer aims to comfort you after a rather explosive breakup with your boyfriend during your Christmas party. Category: Fluff Content: Yelling, sad Reader, drunk Penelope (she's my fav, what can I say), a mistletoe kiss, Spencer is a yearner (he is also my fav, what can I say) Word Count: 2.6k

The first day of Ficmas has arrived! I'm starting you off strong with some short 'n sweet fluffy pining goodness <3 (who am I lmao)

------------------

It's not uncommon for the holidays to be a lonely, depressing time for some. It's covered up in ribbons and bows and sparkling lights, but really, under the surface can lie a lot of darkness.

Spencer can see that in you— Not just this holiday season, though it's apparent now more than ever just how unhappy and exhausted you seem. When you're at work day after day, constantly thinking about and putting away criminals, and even then you seem more happy than you do when you're around your significant other, that's when there's a problem. And surely you must know how your friends have noticed... There's no way you couldn't have; It's practically all of your jobs to notice.

Still, you don't say or change anything about it.

He knows it isn't his place, but Spencer wonders why. His heart breaks for you, each and every time the jet touches down and your eyes darken with the realization that you're one step closer to going home. Home should be an escape from work, and not the other way around. Many times he's even offered to go somewhere with you as a distraction, a silent confession that screams, "I know you're not happy, but it doesn't have to be that way. You don't deserve to feel that way. And I'm here for you." Sometimes you agree and tag along, sometimes you don't. Every time, Spencer wishes you could see yourself the same way he and everyone else does.

And more than anything, he wishes that asshole of a man that calls himself your boyfriend would fall off the face of the Earth. In fact, "asshole" is too tame of a word to describe him, and "man" way too kind.

Much is apparent as the muffled argument rings high and dims the twinkling atmosphere of your apartment. The lights on your Christmas tree flicker in and out like they know that something is inherently wrong, like they're dying out and being suffocated by the thick tension.

Spencer's heartbeat flickers right alongside them, his gut twisting as your hurt and angry words cut through, sharp as a knife.

Finally, Derek's voice offers a bit of distraction, though not a very good one. "So, when are you going to swoop in and save the day?"

He winces. "She doesn't want my help. I already do what I can, but... It's best to let her handle it the way she wants to."

"Seriously? She's having a miserable time at her own Christmas party because of that dickwad, and you and I both know damn well that you're the only one who's gonna be able to help her out of it."

This time, your boyfriend raises his voice, cutting you off and making Spencer jump. He looks at the ground and continues the conversation with Morgan to try and distract himself. "I'll do what I can, but I'm not..."

He can't think of the right words, though Morgan seems to get the sentiment; He playfully nudges him with his elbow. "Why not? It's not exactly a big secret that you're in love with her or anything. And besides, we all know you'd treat her a thousand times better than—"

"It doesn't matter, okay? I'm not going do anything like that; I mean, they haven't even technically broken up, anyway, so... No."

Morgan sighs, and JJ offers a thought— how the last thing a woman wants after a fight with a man is another man to swoop in and try to whisk her away, no matter how good his intentions are. Morgan explains in turn that he's not actually suggesting any flat-out advances, and in a matter of minutes, the entire BAU ends up in a discussion weighing Spencer's options.

And then, the musing amongst the group comes to a close, but only at the screeching sound of your voice.

"You know what? Then you can leave!"

There's a collective gasp, a holding of breaths and clutching of champagne glasses in anticipation of the end, which comes crashing in with a resounding and cathartic, "And don't you ever come back! We're through! I never want to see your stupid face ever again!"

The door slams, and an immediate hushed chorus of cheers is not far behind. Morgan firmly pats Spencer's shoulder, as Rossi raises his glass and muses, "It's a Christmas miracle."

The real miracle, Spencer thinks, is you; even as your spirit waltzes back into the living area in pieces. Easily the most bright and beautiful soul he's ever known, it nearly crushes him to know how awful you probably feel in that moment, for something that isn't even your fault. He sympathizes, but more than anything he wants to reassure you that nothing could ever deter his steadfast belief in the simple fact that you are the only miracle one could ever need.

Penelope rushes to your side and embraces you in a warm hug, to which you drop your gaze to your feet.

"I'm sorry... I ruined your night."

"My dear, you've ruined absolutely nothing," Rossi offers gently.

His words elicit a sniffle from you, and then you're turning your head into Penelope's shoulder, hiding your face and slumping full-force into her arms. JJ and Emily rush over and pile on in a group hug, handing their drinks to Hotch. He's stayed verbally neutral over the situation, but Spencer can see the relief and hope resting in his expression as your grief slowly dissipates. A Christmas miracle, indeed, his smile seems to say.

The lights on the tree seem to brighten at the breath of fresh, unwavering life in the atmosphere that feels very much like love. A proper family. A support system. A warmth.

Spencer feels that warmth vibrantly in his fingertips— Even hours later in the cold, out on your balcony as he mindlessly observes the city below, every sharp breath of December air filling his lungs in slow, steady cycles. New snow isn't falling, but the streets are glittering with what's already there, every speeding headlight making the ground dance below him.

He wishes it were more quiet; something about the eerie silence of winter and the unexplainable feeling that somehow it might heal something within himself. Everything is always so loud, even as he closes his eyes to drift off into sleep. There's always some sort of man-made noise going on, whether it be a fan, or traffic outside his window, or even the quiet rustling of Hotch's paperwork on the way home from a case. For once, he thinks, it might be nice to drift off with nothing but the winter wind carrying him to sleep.

For now, though, he settles for car engines and crunching snow and the muffled bellows of joy beyond your patio door.

The joy crescendos for a moment, and Spencer turns his head to catch your glowing silhouette emerging from the door. The warmth he feels only pulses, hotter and brighter than before.

"There you are," you exclaim softly, stepping outside and closing the door. "Aren't you freezing out here?"

"Not really," he muses.

You take stance beside him, crossing your arms and overlooking the streets just as he'd been doing moments before. A soft smile ghosts over your lips, and on a breath out, your shoulders relax. "Great view, huh?"

"It is," Spencer confirms. "It's certainly better than the buildings I get to look at."

The laugh that escapes you in a cloud of visible air is quite possibly the most beautiful sound to him, especially when it's because of something he said. If he could indulge in the pleasure of making you laugh for the rest of his life, he would take the chance in a heartbeat.

"Well, then you're welcome on my balcony any time."

"Thank you," he says, trying not to give himself away as he feels the butterflies creeping their way in. With a nervous smile, he clutches his scarf. "I'll hold you to it. It's a nice balcony."

He kicks himself for that last part, inwardly cursing his inability to filter out the awkward, unnecessary sentences. He could keep talking and make it worse, but he ultimately decides that scrunching his nose in shame and passing it off as being chilled is the better choice. If you notice, you don't let on.

Taking that as a good sign, Spencer tries to relax. He breathes out, and you turn to him. "Are you... having a good time tonight?"

"Of course I am," he answers, perhaps a little too quickly. "I mean, you throw a great party."

You laugh again. This time the sound huffs out of you with a resounding sadness that cracks his heart once more. "It's not anything, really— just some lights, music, and drinks... But thank you anyway."

Before he has time to think better of it, Spencer calls you out by name, quick to defend you. But then he pauses, unsure of what else to say. He doesn't want to bring up your breakup and make you feel worse, but... what else can he do? The only thing that feels right is the need to remind you how inherently good you are.

So, that's what he does.

"You shouldn't sell yourself short. I... We all love you and we're glad to be with you, regardless of how... grand it is. Just being yourself is grand enough. You don't even need the lights or the drinks, or... him. You're better than all of those things combined."

At first you look pained, the mention of your ex-boyfriend exacting immense pressure on a fresh bruise, and Spencer almost regrets it— almost; Your features soften moments later as his words settle in and seem to melt away the pain, revealing a layer of disbelief and confusion. And then, softness.

Your lip trembles as you struggle to speak. "You don't... have to... say that."

"Yes. I do." As firmly as he possibly can while still being gentle, he reaches out and clutches your hands with his own. He hopes that whatever warmth he has immediately draws itself to you and wakes you up. He wills it to comfort you and make you see—make you feel. His fingers are desperate in their pursuit to love you, their grip unwavering and brimming with hope.

When your eyes meet his, he nearly collapses. There's so much love and relief and bewilderment sparkling in them that he suddenly feels the overwhelming urge to get lost in their depths—to explore and study each emotion until he knows every aspect of you. He almost forgets how to speak for a moment, his mouth dry and the concept of what he wants to tell you being clear as day, reflected in your eyes, as the words themselves slowly become less tangible.

All he can manage to say is the simple, unabashed truth. The love he has for you rests perfectly within those three words, anyway. They ring out and linger in the December air, floating softly around you like a feather, until it lands on your nose and wakes you up from your deep, dark reverie, releasing you into the light once again.

"You're utterly remarkable."

You clutch onto his hands like you've just been pulled from a frozen lake, grasping for any semblance of stability, and he's right there to guide you as you draw yourself closer to him. His heart beats loud and fast as you sigh out and smile, tears welling in your glimmering eyes.

"Thank you, Spencer," you breathe out sincerely in a broken whisper.

He smiles back at you, a weight lifting from his chest as he tells you, "Of course." As if it's the most natural thing in the world to express how wonderful you are.

A sudden burst of energy comes sweeping across the balcony as a loud, bellowing voice makes an expression of their own. It's Penelope, giggling and bubbly as ever.

"Hey! You two! It's present time! Get your pretty faces in here pronto!"

She's gone as quickly as she had appeared, leaving the door open a crack as you laugh and drag Spencer by the hand to follow.

He's grateful for the shift in activity, unsure how much longer he could have been out there alone with you before he said something he regretted. Not that he'd been looking for anything theatrical by any means, but in truth, the entire evening feels like it had been a movie, wrapped up in a neat little bow as the two of you cross the threshold into the rolling credits. The rest of his feelings he could deal with tomorrow, but for now, he's satisfied with this conclusion.

You stop as you approach the door, huffing a short laugh.

"What is it?" Spencer asks as you let go of him and turn around, plucking something from the panel of wood. From your delicate finger hangs a bundle of mistletoe. It sways gently in the wind before you clutch it in the palm of your hand.

"I always come out here after a fight... Guess I figured he might try to make it up to me or something... Like I knew he was going to let me down again..."

The words are sad, but your tone drips with amusement, or something close to it. You feel the plant in your hand, looking down at it and then back at Spencer.

His body freezes under your gaze, the implications sending him into a numbing warmth that both pleases and scares him in equal measure.

"You never let me down," you continue, stepping closer and interlocking his hand with yours, the mistletoe trapped in between. "I want to thank you for that."

Your face leans in, and at this point his heart is beating so loudly he can hear it drowning everything else out. He can barely hear himself stutter out, "It's not a problem, really... And I know you just got out of a relationship, so... You don't have to..."

"Yes. I do."

You kiss his cheek, firmly and quickly, and yet you don't fully retreat. Your lips linger near his jawline, and you squeeze his hand and whisper, "Thank you," against his skin.

He can feel the words worming their way into his pores and leaving trickles of static in their wake, spreading through him like lightning. Their sincerity moves him, and drives home your miraculousness with such force that he can't help but tilt his head down and capture the lips that uttered them in a swift, soft kiss of his own.

You press yourself into him effortlessly, a gesture that makes him wish he had the ability to stop time and keep it trapped in the palm of his hand and yours, like the mistletoe. He could spend forever in this moment if he were granted it.

But alas, time cannot be stopped, and neither can Penelope Garcia.

She bangs on the door and yells impatiently again. "Presents!"

You and Spencer break away in a collective laugh. He feels lightheaded and lovesick, every nerve ending alight with your essence.

"Okay, okay!" you yell over your shoulder, removing yourself from him completely this time and taking the mistletoe with you. You shove it in his coat pocket with an adorable scrunch of the nose and shuffle inside.

The moment you're out of sight, pulled back into the party and leaving him alone on the balcony to follow, he finally breathes out. And the slow inevitable smile that break out over his face feels bright enough to light the entire city.

The mistletoe hums vibrantly in his pocket through the rest of the night—his very own tangible reminder of a miracle; That time, for one brief moment, could stand still.

[leah-lover]

Close for maintenance. Arsenal orgy.

Smut 18+

This is part 4. The content is pretty obvious. enjoy.

It has been a few days since my kiss with katie. The girls wanted me to think hard on this and I didn't mind it really.

The day after the kiss was an off day so I took the initiative and decided on a self care day. I went shopping, got a mani pedi, and changed my hairstyle a little. The next few days at training were nothing short of professional. Of course as soon as I walked in with my new look gasps and jokes were made by the whole team but nothing disrupting ever happened. I finally felt like myself again. I was ,dare I say, happy and excited about my life.

On the 5th day after the kiss, and as soon as we finished training, I was approached by Steph.

“ hey so if you are ready we can talk about us in Katie and Caitlain’s house.” she said with a worried tone, her hand on my shoulder.

I held on to her hand and said with a smile on my face . “Yeah of course but you are going to have to drive me there. I didn't bring my car with me.”

We held eye contact for a moment before she nodded in agreement.S

The car ride was silent but not tense, we were both swaying to music and in our heads. Suddenly, I noticed Steph’s arm fidgeting with the console, not knowing where it belonged. I then took the initiative to take her hand and place it on my thigh. shocked , she looked at me which earned her a smile and a reassuring look. We stayed like that for the entire ride, me looking at her and her hand on my thigh running up and down occasionally.

As soon as we arrived at the door we heard laughs which were distinguished as Alessia and Leah’s. When we went in Steph’s hand was in mine, and when Katie saw that she commented “ someone is getting comfortable quickly.” she said joinkinly.

“ why? Jealous?” I responded before I sat next to her and hugged her.

“ She is taking this better than I did.” said Alessia after shooting me a wink.

“ to tell you the truth Lessi here was super nervous for our first meeting her stomach hurt and we had to reschedule. But you look like you got this.” said Caitlain.

“ yeah well i am excited. When did this thought start anyway?;” I asked. “ It has been going on for 3 seasons now. One day at pre season we got drunk and fucked around with idea. We then liked it and were too comfortable with each other. We did it again and again and again until this arrangement was born.” explained leah. “And what is this arrangement?” I added.

“ So basically Caitlin and I are together, Lia, Steph, Leah and Lessi are single. We hang out with each other, go on dates, have sex together or separately. We just communicate openly about our desires and we do them. No hard feelings and no shame” she explained. “ I think I understand it now.” I added.

“ I am gonna go get drinks. Help me Leah.” said lia before disappearing to the kitchen with Leah.

Throughout the night we didn't address the topic at all, we just talked like a regular group of people. After a few drinks and laughs they got more and more confident with me around.

Lia started kissing Leah, Katie and steam soon followed. At that time all I thought about was lessi. She was the one I talked to most this evening and the one I wanted the most at the moment. “ Can I kiss you lessi.” I whispered. My face was red by the time she kissed me. Her lips were soft and her kiss was sweet. Her hands cupped my face and mine went to the back of her neck. We kept on kissing until we gasped for air.

I forgot that the room was filled with other people? And as soon as i realized my face went red and started to freak out. That was until Lia sat next to me. “ hey sweetheart it's okay your first time is going to be the hardest but it will get easier. Just be comfortable with us, we will take care of you.” she cooed, running her arm through my back.

I relaxed into her touch and as soon as i looked comfortable enough leah sat in front of me and said `` look, it's fine if this is too overwhelming to you we can do this another time if at all.” she asked, cupping my cheek. “ no it's okay i want this i really really do.” I insisted. Leah took that as an incentive to kiss me. Her kiss was dominant and powerful. “ You don't know how long I have been waiting to do this.” she said before kissing me some more. “ you are all we have been thinking about.” she said, breaking up the kiss.

I didn't realize when Katie, Caitlain, and Lessi left. I was left in the room with Steph and Leah.

“ take it easy Leah.” said Steph before guiding my face to her lips. Her kiss wasn't as powerful as Leah’s but it was full of emotion. While Steph and I were kissing, Leah started kissing my neck. I relaxed on the couch dazed in their touch. “Can I take thai off?” asked Leah, her voice full of lust and desire. I hummed in agreement. “ Honey, you have to use your words.” said Steph firmly. “ yes, yes please do.'' I managed to get out.

After a while I found myself laying on the couch naked with both Staph and Leah beside me each one giving attention to different parts of. Leah was taking care of my breasts nibbling and sucking on them harshly while Steph was leaving her mark on my neck. “ Please, I need more please.” I pleaded. “ so eager so soon. We will only allow it this time, right Lee.” she said looking over at a busy leah.

We then changed positions. I lead on S teph’s bear chest in between her legs while leah positioned herself between mine.

“ Holy hell, all of this is just for us. I feel flattered. We haven't even touched you properly.” said leah as soon as she saw how wet i was. “ Leah dont leave our guests waiting, she will get a bad first impression.” ordered steph while her hand comes through my hair. The whole scene was serene. Leah was sucking and nibbling at my clit while Steph massaged my breasts slowly.

“ Do you want my fingers baby?” said Leah, waiting for my approval. “ please.” was all I managed to get out. “ No darling , we talked about this. Use your words.” ordered Steph, her hand still on my chest. “ Please, I want your fingers inside me.” I screamed. “ good girl.” responded steph.

With that Leah put one finger in, then another. I was a moaning mess by the time I felt my orgasm approach. “ Please let me come, I am gonna come please.” I pleaded. “ Okay darling, come for us. Come for me and Leah. Right after I heard those words I came undone with Leah at my center. I was in a world of bliss while Leah was cleaning me up and Steph was saying how much of a good girl I was. Leah then proceeded to kiss Steph on top of me with my juices all over her mouth. A moment after that i managed to say “ can we please go again. "

PS let me know if you want me to add anything to the story.

[mummybear]

My Brother's Best Friend - Chapter One - Unexpected Night

Words: 4079

Warnings: Swearing, Dirty Talk, Attempted Assault (Implied Sexual), Possessive Stiles, Protective Stiles, Grinding, Talk Of Marking, Protective Scott. Think that's it.

Characters: Stiles Stilinski, Scott McCall, Reader/Sadie McCall, Lydia Martin, Liam Dunbar, Allison Argent, Travis(OC)

Summary: Stiles Stilinski has always been your weakness, but since he was your brother's best friend you'd stayed away. When Stiles comes back to Beacon Hills fresh from his time in the FBI Academy something is very different about the boy you once knew.

A/N So hey guys! I know it's been a while hopefully this is the start of me getting back into my writing! We shall see. I really hope you guys enjoy this, any feedback is encouraged as always, and please let me know if you would like a tag as I update.

Chapter 1 - Unexpected Night

I can’t believe this goddamn party is still going on. I am far too drunk right now, I just want to  sleep. However, as usual, my dumbass brother is too busy making out with his girlfriend. Don’t get me wrong, Allison is amazing, and I’m so happy for them. They had realised that they belonged together not long ago, after years of dating something happened. Scott didn’t explain it further than saying it was a wolf thing, that apparently I wouldn’t understand. 

Mom always tells me never to go home by myself, however, right now I’m seriously considering it. I don’t even know why I came here tonight. It was stupid, they’re all his friends anyway, the great Scott McCall, I’m pretty sure people forget that I even exist. Not that I have any ill feelings towards him, he’s my brother, yes he might be a giant pain in the ass but all he’s ever done is protect me and look out for me.

If I’m honest with myself, I do know why I came here tonight, Stiles is here. He’s finally back from his FBI training, I hadn’t asked Scott too much about the situation, or how long he was back for. In fact I hadn’t even seen him yet. 

Yes it’s one giant cliche. I have the world's biggest crush on my big brother’s best and oldest friend. I think I have since I was ten and Stiles was fourteen, I’ve been following them around for the better part of ten years. Before that I’d avoided them as much as possible. Then one day everything changed, as soon as I started hanging out with Scott and his friends, I finally felt like I fit in. I’m not sure what changed exactly, but whatever it was made it easier for me to become part of their group. Scott’s probably everything a big brother should be, and I know if he knew what I felt for Stiles he’d try and talk to me about it. Probably try and make me see what I’m already afraid of, that Stiles and I wouldn’t work. 

Not really sure why I’m having these thoughts, probably has something to do with the fact that I’m drunk off my ass, in this random ass house. And while it may not be the best time for it, when I’ve been drinking my mind tends to wander. 

After finally traipsing my way upstairs I find a bedroom, one that doesn’t really appear to belong to anyone, at least not permanently. Maybe it’s a spare room? People still have those, right? I close the door softly behind me. I’m unable to find a lock for the door, so I opt to just lay down for a minute or two, just to rest my eyes. I quickly climb up onto the bed and as soon as my head hits the pillow I let out a sigh of relief, finally giving in. I close my eyes, hoping that both the room and my head will stop spinning at some point soon. I can hear some kind of arguing going on behind the door, but I can’t bring myself to open my eyes, it feels like they’re being weighed down, I hadn’t had a drink in such a long time, but I don’t remember it ever hitting me like this before.

Suddenly there’s the sound of the door crashing open, as it bounces hard against the wall, before it slams closed again. I wince, feeling a throbbing in my head suddenly and manage to wrench my eyes open. However, they snap all the way open in fear as soon as I register the big body standing in the corner of the room. I can feel eyes on me as a tense silence settles over the room. Clearly he knows I’m awake, but he’s yet to make a move. 

A sudden sickness overtakes me, when I hear Stiles on the other side of the door, quieter, but still audible, shouting my name, or his nickname for me. Mini or Mini McCall was the go to name for me among most of Scott’s friends. He sounds worried as he calls for me, and my head is so foggy that I can’t concentrate on anything, I can’t even tell if I’m imagining Stiles calling for me, why would he want to find me? He hadn’t so much as texted me since he’d been home, much less tried to see me or speak to me in person. It was strange, almost like he was avoiding me, even Stiles’s dad hadn’t seen him yet.

I clear my throat, testing out if I can speak or not, but the nerves are clear in my every word. “W-Who are you?” I manage to stutter out, my throat a little sore and my voice a bit hoarse. 

“Don’t you worry about it, Doll. Just close your eyes, don’t worry about anything, I'll take real good care of you. Go back to sleep,” there’s a clear threat in that deep voice, one that makes me shudder. 

I quickly sit up, doing my best to ignore the way the entire room blurs and moves once again. As I try to back myself into a corner, trying to make myself as small as possible. I know it’s stupid, but I also know I don’t stand a chance in hell of standing up right now, I’m scared and drunk off my ass, feeling like a fucking idiot for isolating myself in a freaking bedroom of all places, I should’ve just found Scott, or even Lydia.

He smirks at me as starts to walk closer and I can finally see his face. I don’t recognise him, but that isn’t really a shock, he’s definitely older than me, not sure if he’s older than my brother though. A sickness coats my throat just seeing the look on his face, the sick twisted grin. The door hasn’t stopped rattling since he stepped inside, so I keep my gaze fastened to it. 

I’m hoping for a miracle, however unlikely it might be. He closes in on me until I can no longer see the door behind him, because this guy's huge hulking frame is blocking my view of anything but him. On instinct I close my eyes and hold my legs tighter, and I finally let out a scream.

“Stiles!” The scream sounds helpless and terrified as it’s ripped from somewhere deep within me, which makes complete sense, given the current circumstances.

He reaches for me, I can feel his large moist palm as he grips my knee squeezing roughly, trying to pry my legs down or apart, with enough force to leave a bruise. But before he can get too far, the door smashes open against the wall once more, revealing a much more welcome intruder. My heart thuds even harder in my chest, because the guy releases me in surprise and whirls around on my saviour. 

I see him then, Stiles Stilinski in the flesh. And what flesh it is, he’s put on muscle lately. Muscle that could rival even that of my big brother, the true Alpha. But this guy is huge and I can see Stiles gulp from across the room, but his eyes harden as the flick between me and the guy who still has his hand firmly gripping my knee.

“Get your filthy fucking hands off of her!” Stiles shouts, taking another step into the room.

“Nah. Not gonna happen.” The guy states with a slimy grin, as his eyes slide over me, making me wish I was anywhere else.

“I said get the fuck away from her. What the hell is wrong with you?!” Stiles growls, stepping closer to this giant of a man. But I can only watch from where I sit, still paralysed with fear.

“Get over yourself, Stilinski, we were just gonna have a little fun. Stop being so hard up, go find your own pussy. This one's mine tonight, maybe I’ll let you have a go tomorrow. After I’ve used her up, such a pretty little body, bet she’s gonna feel real fuckin’ good.”

The words almost make me throw up, but my tongue feels swollen and I can speak. My eyes lock with Stiles for the first time in years as a tear slides down my cheek. 

“I’ll make you fucking eat those words, Travis. The only thing you’re about to feel is my fist,” Stiles snarls, “take your fucking hands off of her.”

“Whose makin’ me? Your pansy ass?” Travis laughs, removing his hands and taking a few steps closer to Travis.

Suddenly those deep brown eyes draw me in like never before and my heart stills in my chest. This is the first time I’ve seen him in a few months. The FBI program has kept him so busy lately that we haven’t seen much of him. But still, I could swear there’s something a little different about him, other than his size, but there’s definitely something different about his eyes, something that I can’t quite place.

I can’t tear my gaze away, instead they fall to his lips and I shift uncomfortably where I sit, suddenly a growl tears through the room. My eyes widen and I look to the doorway behind Stiles, expecting to see my brother, but he isn’t there. I swallow thickly as my eyes automatically snap back to Stiles, and I see it, the flaring of his nostrils, the way his eyes are focused entirely on me, then I realise the sound could only have come from him. But he doesn’t share the same wolf affliction that my brother has, at least, not that I know of. How much has changed since I last saw him! 

Stiles steps closer, body tense and unflinching. All traces of fear have disappeared from his face. Now he just looks furious, more so than anyone I’ve ever seen before. 

“Mate.” Stiles snarls, shoving the guy as soon as he’s close enough, and to my utter shock and surprise the guy slams back into the wall with a crash, leaving behind an imprint of his giant body as he slides down the wall with a groan. Everything happens so fast, I don’t have time to analyse what the hell Stiles meant when he’d growled that one word. But I can’t help but shudder with excitement at the way my body responded.

Suddenly, I hear footsteps hammering up the stairs, and before I know it Scott has Stiles pinned against him, as Liam all but wrestles the other guy from the room. 

“Stiles, you need to calm down, breathe buddy. ” Scott instructs calmly, his deep red Alpha eyes flaring to life, like they would when he’s trying to calm the other members of his pack. Something flits across my brother’s face as he relaxes his grip a little. Whatever it is, seems to register with Stiles that other than my brother we’re alone in the room and safe once again.

His body goes completely lax and Scott releases the tight band he’d been holding around his best friend. I can’t help but stare as Stiles staggers towards me. Safe to say I’ve sobered up in the last five minutes.

“Can one of you tell me what the hell just happened here?” Scott asks carefully, but I can’t take my eyes off of Stiles.

“Just give us a minute, Scott. I, um, I think I should talk to Stiles.” 

I hear my brother huff out a breath before he leaves, closing the door quietly behind him.

“I’ll be back in ten if you’re not downstairs before then, we’re going home.” He calls through the door. Then the door opens again and Scott smiles at us both, “oh and thanks for having my sister's back, buddy.”

Stiles turns towards the doorway with a slight smile as his eyes lock on his Alpha, “Always, Scotty, you know that. We won’t be long.”

I finally let myself relax a little when the door closes. Stiles crawls on the bed and sits in front of me. He rests his hand over the reddened skin on my knee, and lets out another quieter growl. “I’m gonna fucking kill him. He won’t ever touch anyone ever again.” 

“Hey, I’m okay,” I whisper, resting my hand on top of his, “you saved me.” 

He runs a shaking hand through his thick hair and his eyes lock with mine once more.

“I should’ve been here. I’m supposed to protect you, I’m so fucking sorry, Mini. If that sick fuck had touched you…” He sounds so defeated and my heart squeezes at his words.

“You got here in time, you’ve always had my back. This time wasn’t any different, except maybe that,” you giggle slightly, as you nod toward the dent in the wall.

He shifts closer to me and drops his forehead against mine, letting out a contented sigh. I let my eyes slip closed for a second. For once I give myself the freedom to enjoy the closeness, I open my eyes again and those gorgeous chocolate brown eyes are focused on mine. I lick my lips and feel the shuddered breath that escapes his lips. 

Ever so gently he reaches out and his thumb brushes my bottom lip. 

“You’re so fucking beatiful. Please tell me you feel this, Mini, because you smell so damn good, I don’t know If I’m strong enough to stay away.” 

I swallow thickly as his nose nudges mine gently, my entire body practically vibrating with need. 

“Y-Yeah, I feel it,” I reply quietly, scared that if I talk too loud this dream will end, I don’t dare to tell him just how long I’ve felt these things though.

“Then we should probably talk. Because I need to tell you some things before this goes any further,” he replies, voice hoarse and strained, like it’s painful for him to speak these words. But then he goes to pull away and all my instincts go into overdrive, and I finally give in to what I want, I clamp onto him and don’t let go.

Nor do I fight the need to keep him close to me. Right where he belongs. My fingers push into his thick hair and I gently tug him back towards me, just those last few millimetres. Until his lips brush mine ever so briefly. He doesn’t even try to fight me, and I can feel the shudder that runs through his entire body when I push him back and straddle his lap, wrapping my legs around his waist. I think there’s some kind of trick of the lights because I could swear there’s this purple glow in his eyes for a few seconds before they settle back on brown. But I push the thought  away for now, and press myself a little closer. So that every part of our bodies is connected.

“Tell me later, please Stiles, I need this.” I hope I don’t sound as desperate as I feel, Stiles doesn’t move, but I hear how hard he swallows, almost like a gulp as he lets his eyes slip closed. Following his lead I let my own eyes close when his hand cups my cheek, the other hand slips somewhere much less innocent. When he cups my ass his long fingers curl and he squeezes slightly, letting out a groan of pleasure when I grind down against the obvious hardness pressing against me.

Suddenly his lips are on mine, insistent and urgent, and it feels like all the air has been sucked out of the room. Our lips are in perfect sync, and a shudder rolls through me when his tongue nudges my lips, seeking permission that I happily and easily grant. I’m rocking my hips in a steady rhythm now, and the kiss grows deeper, his fingers dig harder into my skin as he urges me to keep moving. 

Holding me as close as he physically can against his body, Stiles sits up, turning us so that my back hits the mattress and he’s hovering above me. He breaks our kiss and I gasp for breath as he drags his lips across my cheek and down into the crease of my neck. He groans as he inhales deeply, “smell so good. My mate. Just wanna mark you up, make you mine the right way.” His voice vibrates against my skin and I shiver as he laps at the soft skin of my neck.

Confusion sweeps through my lust-addled brain at his wording. 

“What do you mean?” I ask breathlessly, more confused about his words than I’d care to admit.

Pulling back to meet my eyes he smiles, and ducks his head looking a little more like the Stiles I remember. I cup his cheek gently, urging him to look at me again.

“This is why I said we should talk. I can’t do what I need to. Not without you knowing what you’re letting yourself in for. I’m not the same man I was the last time I saw you, something happened, I just…I don’t know how to begin to explain this.”

It hurts me that he sounds so defeated already, almost like he’s worried about what he has to tell me.

“Don’t you know by now, nothing you tell me will change how I see you,” I tell him honestly, pulling him closer so his body is pressed against mine, and he finally lets some of his weight rest on me.

“I wanna believe you, but I’m scared. This is huge, and I can’t let anyone down, but especially you, I can’t lose you. Especially not now I know what you are to me, not now I’m so close.” 

Before I can ask what he means there’s a hesitant knock on the door, before it slowly creaks open. Liam stands there, watching us sheepishly for a few seconds before Stiles growls at him, I can’t help but frown as I look up at my protector. But then I see it again, the purple in his eyes. 

The gasp falls from my lips unintentionally and as soon as it does Stiles snaps his gaze towards me. Closing his eyes, he takes a deep breath, his fingers tightening their hold on me and I can only stare up at him. 

“Liam, get the fuck out. Now!” Stiles snarls.

“But, Scott said…” 

Stiles is off the bed before I can react, when I do finally open my eyes I can’t believe what I’m seeing. Stiles has Liam pinned to the wall by his throat. And Liam is trying to get free, but he’s stuck fast. I can’t help but wonder, how the hell is that possible! 

Mouth agape I watch as my brother’s Beta looks over at me, “little help here, mini. Calm your man down, please.” 

My man? I inwardly ask myself, we’ve fooled around for all of 5 minutes and suddenly he’s mine. While I can’t fight the pleasure at hearing those words, I also can’t help but fight the confusion, maybe he wants me to calm Stiles down so he doesn’t have to hurt him. 

“What do you want me to do?” I ask nervously, looking between the two of them.

Stiles gives a final squeeze before dropping Liam and racing to me, covering me with his body. 

“Don’t you dare fucking look at her!” Stiles snarls, his arms shaking as he holds himself above me. “Tell Scott we’re coming and leave now!” Stiles warns in a low commanding voice that sends shivers racing across my body as he carefully tugs my skirt back into place. 

I can’t deny the pulse between my thighs, even as I clamp them shut, and the whimper that falls from my lips causes Stiles to stiffen. Before he’s off the bed, practically throwing Liam further down the hallway when he doesn’t move by himself, slamming the door behind him. Before he turns back to me. 

“God, please tell me you know what you just said,” Stiles rasps as he pulls me up off the bed and hauls me against his hard body.

“I don’t… what do you mean?” I ask, frowning in confusion, as I try to search his eyes for an answer. I hadn’t said anything… had I?

Stiles whimpers like those words cause him some kind of pain. He shakes his head, running his fingers through the thick mass of hair before tugging at it harshly. I want to comfort him but I don’t know how. Hell I don’t have a clue what the fuck is happening right now.

“We can’t do this. Not right now.” His words sound harsh and bitter, no matter how softly he speaks them.

I stumble away from him, confusion and hurt lancing through me like an actual weapon. I know there’s a reason for this, but it doesn’t hurt any less, doesn’t feel any less like rejection either. Tears fill my eyes, it’s irrational and I don’t feel even remotely in control of my emotions right now, but I can’t stop it, maybe i’m still drunk. Though it doesn’t feel like that’s it. Stiles steps towards me again and I step back, “no, no. Please, Sadie, I want to. But not until you know everything! I swear to you, whatever you’re thinking, we can talk about it. Please, Mini, just trust me.” 

Hearing my real name on his lips is so strange, but I can’t deny that I really like hearing him say it.

I feel myself giving in, because as much as it hurts to have him turn me down, he's still one of the best people in my life. And despite myself, I’ve been in love with this pain in the ass longer than I can even remember, he’s yet to let me down in a real way. Letting out a sigh, I know it’s best to give him the chance to explain.

“Fine. Then let’s talk.” 

He swallows thickly, as I watch him carefully. Pretty sure I’m not going to like the next thing that comes out of his mouth. He looks nervous and twitchy.

He winces before he even speaks, “I’m sorry. But not here, let’s go home, there’s too many ears here. I swear I’ll tell you everything as soon as we’re safe,” he all but begs, holding out his hand for me.

Pushing away any and all doubts, I take his hand. Watching as he visibly relaxes and pulls me closer to him.

“Thank you, I promise, I’ll make this up to you,” he whispers before pressing a kiss to my inner wrist. Yet another shiver ripples through my body at the contact that I can’t control. 

He keeps me tucked into his side as we leave the room, careful to touch as few people as possible while we walk. When we finally make it outside, Scott’s waiting with the rest of the pack. Stiles looks reluctant to get in the car, judging by the way Liam forces his body closer to the opposite door Stiles’ look had been less than friendly. 

He slips inside and I can’t help but squeak in surprise as he hauls me inside with him, not into my own seat but so that my back is tightly pressed against his front, and his arms band protectively around my waist. 

“Dude. Come on! Not in my car, she’s still my little sister. Damn,” Scott groans, locking eyes with Stiles in the rear view mirror.

Stiles seems to consider his words before he reluctantly relents, moving to the middle seat before he gently eases me into the seat as far away from Liam as humanly possible. Keeping a hand firmly planted on my thigh, huffing like a petulant child, I can’t help but giggle. It’s almost like he can’t stop himself from touching me. His long fingers tightly curl around my leg, almost like he’s afraid someone will take me from him if he lets go. Taking a deep breath I tentatively slip my fingers between the gaps in his, gently squeezing them, hoping to offer even a little comfort, those big brown eyes jump to mine and he visibly relaxes into the seat.

I look up and catch my brother’s eyes. I can’t work out the look on his face, for the first time since we were kids, I can’t tell what he’s thinking and for some reason that only makes me even more anxious.

Tags: @julzdec @lettersofwrittencollective @mogaruke @all-alone-he-turns-to-stone @lilulo-12fanfiction @charmed-asylum @defenderrosetyler @foxyjwls007 @mylovelydame21 @akshi8278 @stylesismyhubs @peachyyybabyy @fantasy-myth1 @coffeebooksandfandom @magssteenkamp @screamxqueenx94 @brien-odylan @riseandshinelittleblossom @ceceliaking-18 @mrs-mitch-rapp93 @missindecision @chewie-redbird

[aku-soul]

WARNING P5R SPOILERS AHEAD GO PLAY THE GAME FOR YOURSELF AND SKIP THIS POST IF YOU DONT WANNA BE SPOILED

So anyways I finished persona 5 royal a couple days ago, here's my thoughts:

Absolutely amazing game, I loved it so dang much and I'm so sad it's over. And now, onto the character reviews

Ren Amamiya (protag): It's me! But man do I feel even worse for what he had to go through. Seriously, going to jail twice, temporarily losing his memory and hoping that he would get stuff right... Dude the scene where akechi shot me gave me chills it was done so well. I was seriously about to cry thinking I messed up. Also, if I was joker at the end of sem 3 after I graduated I would immediately come back to leblanc because coffee dad duh.

Sojiro Sakura: HE CALLED ME FAMILY, COFFEE DAD CALLED ME FAMILY OH MY GOD BEST DAY EVER. I love dad so much. It was so sweet when he cried after I left, that almost made me cry too.

Ann Takamaki: Yeah she sure does exist, uh huh. I barely interacted with her... I don't think her phantom thief outfit helped at all with that issue.

Morgana: Congrats on finally becoming human for a while dude. Also him being part of the velvet room was not something I expected. At all. Also when he was about to disappear I almost freaking cried what the hell. You can't do that to me game. AND THEY DID IT TWICE. Those scenes made me realize how much I actually care for morgana the cat (cue "I AM NOT A CAT")

Futaba: SISTER SHE IS MY SISTER! I am going to feel so weird when I romance her for completions sake... I love the bond her and I have as siblings. She did such a good job growing up within such a short amount of time, I am so proud. Also holy hell was she smart with the akechi phone thing. No wonder she did something so out of character in that moment.

Makoto: I am going to beat up Eiko's boyfriend so hard. I never finished her story though, I got up to level 8 with her. Eh whatever there's always next playthrough. Her heals are pretty good, to bad I hardly ever use her.

Igor (both false and real): Dude I could not get over the real igors voice, please give me back the fake igors voice that one sounded so much better seriously. Also I checked and igor is indeed voiced by dad from fe3h love that. The boss fight for him though freaking sucked, like can you please stop giving my cat lust with your gun, seriously?

Haru: I'm gonna be completely honest, I didn't start her confidant till like 5 days before the final battle because I thought I'd need her for true ending (I thought true ending required all confidants, better save than sorry). Honestly, no real opinion on her. She certainly does exist. I wonder if the vegetables she grows are any good... If they're for sp that'd be nice because sp recovery items are so hard to come by.

The twins (and lavenza): Dude I nearly cried when I had to execute the twins, it felt so sad. But hey, at least I got lavenza out of it. I'm guessing she's the one who wrote the list then. Also her avatar in persona 5 tactica is so cute.

Ichiko: Drunk aunt type. I got close to finishing her storyline but didn't. Whatever. I hate how she's an option for romance but my harem bois aren't??? What is this atrocity.

Kawakami: Yeah look I don't care if you're getting threatened by the mafia or loan sharks or whatever. Please stop texting me "Hello master!" when you said yourself you don't want the history on my phone to be available. I only got two things in because my god am I super uncomfortable with calling my teacher up for maid services...

Hifumi: If I didn't hc joker as super gay for my harem bois (I will explain who those people are later) she'd probably be the one I'd ship him with. I like her a lot honestly, she might be my favorite romanceable option.

Tae Takemi: Her ex boss fucking sucks, get off your high horse dude. At least we managed to change his heart and get her back on track. I'm hc'ing miwa chan as continuing to visit Tae even after she gets better and eventually following in Tae's footsteps and helps out around the clinic.

Iwai: GUN UNCLE GUN UNCLE. Him giving me a gecko at the end had me tearing up. He considers me family too oh my god. Also hell yeah I got a cousin out of that deal. I love uncle Iwai so much.

Mishima: I maxed him out and then promptly forgot about him. Seriously, when the scene of him petitioning for signatures happened I immediately thought "oh shit yeah mishima is a person who exists". Sorry mishima...

Yoshida: Yeah, I started him and that was about it. I really don't care about him at all if I'm being honest. I will have to eventually level him up though... Next playthrough

Shinya: Woo younger brother alert. I'm so proud that he gave back the money he took from other kids and apologized too. Good job Shinya, you did good.

Maruki: Ugh his character arc was so good. Dude the 2/2 reveal broke my heart I was so tempted to take the offer, but I knew I couldn't. But dude. Why are you a taxi driver at the end. What is the reason for that what.

Ryuji: HAREM BOI NUMBER ONE BABY!!!! The numbers don't matter it's just when we got introduced to em. I love him so much. In tactica I was able to "marry" him and I was so excited that I took screenshots. Dude when he saved us in shido's palace and we thought he died I almost cried. I love Ryuji so much.

Yusuke: HAREM BOI NUMBER TWO BABY!!!! He is so gay I love him. At the end when he gave me his painting I teared up. I absolutely love him so much. A great addition to the harem bois. Best artist boi.

Akechi: WHY MY GUY FUCKING WHY! HAREM BOI NUMBER THREE!!!! You were the reason why I was so tempted to take Maruki's offer, don't treat your life as if it was nothing. Also you don't hate me you love me admit it. Robbie Daymon does such a good job on everday akechi I love it so much. I leveled him up as soon as I could. Also because of the ending he's still alive and no one can change my mind, I *need* him to be alive. Dude I bougth tactica and the dlc just so I could see him again. I love akechi so freaking much. Also his official va and joker's official va made a cover song together and it's so good I am obsessed and I have seen some good things made out of it.

I think that's all? If anyone wants me to give my opinion on anyone else I will. Anyways back to playing tactica and once I finish that it's onto strikers

[ominous-auburn-orbs]

Here's a writing idea for you, but you don't have to do it

Kinger of Hearts hosts a big ass party celebrating his birthday, gets drunk from the wine and tried to get ✨frisky✨ with Mad Caine(whether he succeeds or not it's up to you)

HEY WHAT'S UP GUYS I'M BACK

Y'know I kinda feel like my works have been getting less and less family friendly over time-

ANYWAY this is set after Queenie's takeover attempt, so Caine and Kinger are together. (I can't be bothered to explain any unknown lore so. Just go with it for my sake)

Oh and wonderland au by @obamerzslop

It had been nearly a month since Queenie's defeat. Everyone was still admittedly shaken, although also more at ease, knowing that they were now truly safe. It was Kinger of Hearts' birthday, meaning there was a large celebration held. Most of the people there were acquaintances and colleagues more than anything, considering the party wasn't even the king's idea, but rather something viewed as a necessity. The only person there that he actually liked was Mad Caine, due to his connection as the jester, along with his advisor, Rabbit Ragatha. Kinger had insisted none of his other friends go, as they wouldn't enjoy it. It didn't feel like it was actually for him, anyway. Pomni, however, had suggested they should still do something separate to celebrate later, which the king was very much looking forward to.

Caine stood near the wall, somewhat unsure around all of the people he failed to recognise. The odd dodo or flower person he'd seen once or twice before at other royal events, but nothing more than that. He had already done his performance at this point, which had been relatively well received, if only because everyone there knew how much Kinger of Hearts valued the jester. They were all far too uptight to truly enjoy Mad Caine's routines, as amusing as they were. He was believed to have a lower class role, making him unworthy of being as close to the king as he was. There was power in the role of jester. Power that they could never achieve.

While better acquainted with the guests, Ragatha was just as uncomfortable. Seeing Caine in the distance, she approached, a genuine smile on her face, which was a rare sight at such events.

"Mad Caine!" She called out as she went to stand beside him. "Your performance was rather good. How are you doing?"

His features relaxed. "Thank you, my friend! I'm not doing too bad myself! How about you?"

Rabbit Ragatha let out a loud sigh. "These events are so very tedious. I know it's already been a month since... everything, but I still feel like I'm in desperate need of a nap." She chuckled quietly. "I wish Kinger of Hearts would realise that he doesn't need to put up this facade anymore, if he ever even needed to in the first place. I think it's still instinct for him to put up this mask for his own safety."

Caine crossed his arms and looked down, concerned. He couldn't bear the thought of Kinger thinking he needs to pretend to be someone he's not. He loved the real Kinger with all his heart, and he wanted to see him happy as well. Assessing his worried posture, Ragatha's eyes softened.

"Maybe you could convince him not to lie so much anymore. While I am his advisor, with something like this, he's a bit more likely to listen to his boyfriend." She gave Caine a friendly nudge as he blushed lightly.

"Haha! Maybe..." He thought about it further. Even if Kinger didn't listen, it was worth a try. He could find a way to convince him regardless. "I'll see what I can do, Raggy!"

Ragatha looked embarrassed by the nickname, as while it was sweet, it wasn't something she necessarily wanted to be called in such a professional environment. Caine looked away and saw Kinger talking with someone he hadn't seen before, and it didn't look like a conversation the royal was particularly enjoying. After quickly informing Ragatha that he would be 'back in a jiffy', he set off towards Kinger, determined to save him from the annoying situation. It was his birthday, after all!

When he reached the king, Mad Caine lightly touched his hand. His liking for physical touch was well known, so it wasn't nearly enough physical affection to raise questions, although it was still the king he was touching.

"Happy birthday, Your Majesty! Are you enjoying yourself?" With a clear look of disdain, the other person left. Kinger of Hearts relaxed significantly and his voice lowered in volume.

"Far more now that you're here." Seeing Ragatha, he glanced around before fully grasping Caine's hand and walking over. "You know, I believe that's the seventh time today you've said 'happy birthday' to me."

"And I'll say it again, my love!" Kinger's eyes widened, worrying greatly about anyone else hearing. For his sake, Caine became quieter, but that didn't mean he liked it. "My dear, Queenie is dead. You don't need to fear her overthrowing you again. You can be yourself now. And if anyone goes against you, then I say that gives you plenty of reason to execute them!"

Kinger smiled, although there was still doubt in his eyes. "You're probably right, but it still feels... wrong. I've been like this for so long, I don't know how to rule as anyone else." Some heads turned to watch the pair with curious looks, but Mad Caine gently rubbed his thumb across Kinger's hand to keep him from seeing.

"I understand, but that doesn't mean I'll start agreeing with you on that any time soon." The two finally reached Ragatha as Kinger gave a chuckle that shook his shoulders. His advisor was somewhat absorbed in her own thoughts, surprised by how relaxed she was. By how relaxed they all were compared to past times like this. As horrible as the whole situation with Queenie had been, it had finally gotten rid of the ever-looming threat that she had once been.

"Your Highness," Ragatha greeted him with a noticeable hint of sarcasm, "is everything to your liking?"

Kinger sighed heavily. "All I'll say is that I'm going to need plenty of wine to get through this." Ragatha nodded and bowed, a glimmer in her eyes like she was about to tell a joke at any moment.

"I'll fetch you a glass."

Hours later, Kinger of Hearts had stayed true to his word, having downed several glasses at that point. Most of the more distinguished guests had filed out, with mainly guards and captains left, as well as other drunkards that they had to remove. Despite how most people and tables had been cleared away, the room felt far less empty with mainly just the trio standing in it. Kinger swayed a little on his feet, with Ragatha and Caine attempting to keep him upright. The two shared knowing glances, silently deciding that it would be best to completely finish the festivities. Before Mad Caine could suggest this to Kinger, however, the king spoke to him with a highly flirtatious tone.

"Heyyy, gorgeous~ you- you come 'round here often?" Ragatha put a hand to her mouth to try and muffle her snickers, while Caine gave Kinger a soft smile.

"Kinger, it's me, Mad Caine!" For the king's sake, he gave a quick glance to the guards, but they were busy removing a passed out accountant from the premises. "Your boyfriend?"

Kinger's eyes widened exponentially. "Woah... that's good. Vvvvery good." He cupped Caine's teeth with his hand. "Y-you're reeeeally pretty..."

The chess piece was mesmorised and Caine could feel his face heat up. Ragatha composed herself enough to put a gentle hand on Kinger's back.

"Your Majesty, you're drunk. You should go to bed." She looked to Mad Caine. "I can help you escort him there."

Caine, however, could clearly see the exhaustion on Ragatha's face, and refused to let her work any longer. "No, my dear! You need to rest for once. I have everything perfectly under control!" With that, Kinger rested his head on the top of Caine's teeth, abruptly shutting them.

Ragatha tried and failed to contain her laughter at Caine's muffled speaking while he tried to open his mouth again. She helped lift Kinger off of the hatter, smiling down at him. "Let me at least help get his Majesty out of here. Then I'll take a break."

Mad Caine agreed to these terms, and the two led Kinger of Hearts out and towards his room. They got halfway down the hall before Caine remembered that Ragatha had promised to rest, so he sent her to her chambers nearby. When the rabbit refused, insisting on helping further, Kinger of Hearts slurred out a threat to execute Ragatha if she didn't rest. She finally agreed, bidding Kinger good night and Caine good luck.

The hatter continued to walk with Kinger, holding one of his hands and with his other hand on the king's back. Kinger turned to face Caine, staring at him for a moment before speaking. "I love yoouuu."

Caine couldn't help but blush as a smile appeared on his face. "I love you too, my dear."

Kinger put a hand on Caine's waist and pulled him closer. "H-hey Caine, are you a flower? Be- because I wanna pollinate you~"

Mad Caine looked at the king in confusion for a moment before he remembered the biology of plant life. His teeth and gums became covered in a bright red as he began to stammer, his grip on Kinger's hand tightening.

"O-oh! Uh, I- l-let's just get you to your room!" He quickened his walking pace. The king's room was near the end of the hall, but he thankfully didn't have much further to go. Then the king would be able to sleep until he sobered up. While Kinger absent-mindedly matched his pace, he didn't stop flirting.

"Y-you're sooo cute... Hey, do- are you made of bees? Because yyyou're as honey as sweet..."

Mad Caine burst out laughing, although he did appreciate that Kinger tried. "Why, thank you, my dear." The hatter walked the king into his bedroom and sat him down on the bed. Before he could bid Kinger of Hearts goodnight, however, the king grabbed him and held him close, pulling Caine onto the bed with him.

Kinger kissed him repeatedly, and after a few moments, Caine returned the hug. He could tell that Kinger of Hearts was fighting sleep, so he decided to lay there with him, patiently waiting for Kinger to succumb to his exhaustion. Mad Caine adored these moments he had with Kinger, even if he would've preferred for the king to be sober, as it was something he had silently wished for for a long time. Eventually, he felt the kisses slow down and stop as Kinger finally fell asleep.

Caine let out a quiet sigh of both relief and content. He made a mental note to bring up their relationship and making it public once Kinger woke up, then drifted off himself, already excited to wake up next to Kinger in the morning.

[somewhereincairparavel]

congrats on 300 followers!!!

anyway, do you think you could make a drabble of Pollux and Castor picking strawberries and just bickering with each other? like being brotherly and stuff? you don’t have to if you don’t want to btw, just a suggestion!

"Let's party!"

-Platonic! Castor × Pollux

Author's note: thank you anon! My 300 follower event is honestly so fun to do! Also ahh Castor and Pollux are so underrated! I had to research on Dionysus children to write this efficiently, also anon, you made me realize how mis-characterized Dionysus children are :( they are so underrated and great?? Thank you for making me realise this. instead of strawberry picking, I chose grape picking, I hope you don't mind! This is a little short though, I'm sorry, but Enjoy!

"Yo Polly, these grapes have worms in them, Dad's going to disown us if he sees us making wine from these decayed fruits"

Pollux stopped picking his grapes from the vines. "I didn't pick that! You did! I saw you put them in the basket"

"Nah dude, I'm the finest fruit picker in camp, I don't disgrace our dad like that" Castor snided.

"No it was definitely you who picked that"

"Was not!"

"Was too!"

"stop it both of you! you're giving me a headache, these plants can't grow with both of you yapping like ducks!" a random demeter kid barked as she passed by, she was attempting to grow strawberries in the camp half blood fields.

Castor and Pollux rolled their eyes at the same time. Typical demeter kids and their you-must-grow-plants-like-your-life-depends-on-it behaviour. But then again, Demeter and Dionysus kids were the "plant kids" of camp, so they were in no position to comment.

Castor hated being known that way. Everyone always thought that Dionysus kids were lazy, conceited, aloof, drunk, and useless. But it wasn't true. He wished people saw the good side. Sure they didn't have fancy powers like the other demigods, but so what?

Dionysus kids were the life of the parties, they arranged the snacks, the games, they helped campers with their mental health counseling and they were good at theatre and opera performances.

But their dad didn't seem to care about what people thought of him. I mean, castor knew his dad had heard the demeaning whispers of campers conceding him, but the wine lord didn't give a flying fuck. So why should Castor?

"Cas?" Pollux looked at his twin in concern, "you good, bro?"

"O-oh, yeah. I'm fine. Let's continue picking, we need the wine to be supplied to the big house by 5PM" Castor evaded the topic, but Pollux knew his brother was lying.

"Alright fine. I am the one who picked the decayed grapes, not you. You are the master of grape picking. There, feel better?" Pollux asked, with a smile in his eye.

"Yeah. I feel better, thanks polly" Castor laughed lightly. Even if his brother didn't know what was making him sad, he still made him laugh.

"By the gods, can you please stop calling me that? 'Polly' sounds like something a doll who's hair had been washed with dish soap by a little girl would be named as."

Castor broke out into fits of laughter.

"Now that was a little too specific, dude, have you met a doll named polly who has bad hair?" He asked in between his laughs.

"Yeah. As a matter of fact, i did, actually" Pollux glared.

"Well, that explains it." Castor concluded. "Polly" he added slyly.

Pollux sent grape vines to tangle his brother's legs, Castor ran away laughing his head off as Pollux began chasing him throughout the fields of camp. The grape baskets being completely forgotten on the ground.

Unbeknownst to the twins, Dionysus was watching them both amusedly from the big house windows, sipping on his diet coke, muttering "Silly kids".

[starryy-leo]

MAJOR SPOILERS FOR APOLOGY TOUR UNDER THE CUT, GOTTA YAP GUYS

I very strongly feel for Blitz throughout this entire episode, although I of course still sympathize for Stolas as well. It is an extremely complex, and well written miscommunication trope, where both are in the wrong and in the right for different reasons. Now don’t get me wrong, I absolutely adore my boy Stolas, but I want to talk about Blitz :3

All jokes aside, you can see throughout the episode how badly Blitz felt about what he did to Stolas the previous night, it’s clear in his face and expressions and desperations. I’m not good at examining characters and talking about their actions in depth, but when it’s this obvious, it’s easy to explain.

One, the beginning of the episode, Blitz was trying to get through to Stolas in his own way (now don’t get me wrong, it was very brash and unconsensual, I am not defending his actions here), and he even says in a flare of built up emotions that he is sorry, and for why he’s sorry. But of course, the moment he realized the feelings are too complicated and he’s being vulnerable, he goes back to being a huge dick to Stolas (props to him by the way, he has all right to be acting this way to Blitz and be hurt).

Then to make himself feel better, he goes on “an apology tour” (yippie episode name spotted!!!), apologizing to everyone he wronged. Little side note so funny that the two women from the first episode ended up gayass lovers/flings, good for them. Anyways, after all of his halfassed, meaningless apologies, and two trips to the human for for the Bishops and Ceurubs (I have no idea how that is gonna play out), he finally makes it to the “I Hate Blitzø” party.

There is so much to unpack during the second half, but I do want to point out that Stolas has been completely decent to Blitz’s name this whole time at that party. He never spoke ill of him, arguably not even that bad in the song (WHICH WAS AMAZING BY THE WAY, ABSOLUTELY STUNNING)! Stolas is just genuinely trying to cope with all the complicated feelings and situations Blitz has put him in.

Back to Blitz, as he’s wandering the party throwing out even worse halfassed apologies to people he passes, he hides his looks and tries to watch Stolas when he sees him, and. Man. During that song, you can see the pain in his eyes and face, the complete guilt washing over him as he realizes truly all he’s done to him, and everyone else he fucked with romantically. He genuinely feels guilt, remorse, and seems to want to make it better, even. Maybe, wishful thinking. But then he follows Stolas, who is very drunk by the way, and tries to actually talk to him, have a genuine conversation. Stolas doesn’t even seem mad to see him! More shocked and a bit appalled if anything, but not upset. He only gets upset when Blitz accidentally acts like a dick again, but he still listens. And Blitz may have been as open as he may ever get until who knows when, openly saying out loud that he doesn’t understand how a prince like Stolas could ever love an imp, like Blitz. And I feel like that’s so much growth from him in the rest of the episode from this point, you can tell he is now genuinely trying to make amends, comfort Stolas. During the part where Stolas is explaining that all he’s ever wanted is to just feel wanted, romantically, “to be someone’s someone”, Blitz reaches out! He tries to comfort him, but something stops him, makes him hesitate for too long and panic, giving off the impression that he still doesn’t genuinely care. But he does, and it’s so obvious that he cares for Stolas.

When that succubus asks Stolas to dance, Blitz lets it happen, because he was listening, and he wants Stolas to feel good. He lets him be happy without him, as he wants him to be happy at his own side. Even if he doesn’t fully realize it yet, I think he may want Stolas the same way he does him.

Then there’s the Verosika scene, which was amazingly put through. We get insight onto her thoughts and feeling about Blitz, and even a small slip up that may indicate that she still loves Blitz after everything. And that they’re more similar then as it seemed originally. I’m glad they could sort of make up, even if not on horrible terms, and that whole conversation they had definitely made Blitz realize he doesn’t want to be the way he is. He doesn’t want to be that way forever, and seeing Stolas so happy with that Succubus on the dance floor, and how everyone is so hurt by his actions and finding companionship and comfort from it? It gives him such a huge reality check, and I can’t wait for the next episode in October. I have a feeling things are only going to get better.

Hoping and praying that things turn out well for Blitz and Stolas, even if they don’t end up together, they just deserve someone that understands them. And yes I would love if they could be that for eachother, they’re still at this point toxic for eachother. They need to figure themselves out and sort through their problems and traumas before they try and get back together.

(A little note, sorry if my mumble jumble rambling doesn’t make sense or follow any path, I tired, and I’m no good at analysis’s like this lol. I know I missed a lot of important quotes and stuff but I’ve been typing forever and just want to send it out, hopefully you enjoyed reading ^^)

[bi-bard]

You'll Always Be a Flower on my Skin and the Pain that I Am In - Daisy Jones Imagine [Daisy Jones & the Six]

Title: You'll Always Be a Flower on my Skin and the Pain that I Am In

Pairing: Daisy Jones X Reader

Based On: Your Needs, My Needs

Word Count: 1,812 words

Warning(s): LOOK HERE! addiction, unhealthy relationship, overdose, mention of sexual assault

Summary: (Y/n) and Daisy are two broken people that had learned to rely on each other. However, at what point does support become reliance? When does helping become enabling? What do you do when the person that probably saved you becomes the very reason that you haven't been able to save yourself?

Author's Note: THIS IS IMPORTANT! This is a story that I've been wanting to tell for a while, not specifically about this character, but in general. I've hesitated for a very long time out of fear of a variety of things. It is a heavy story and if you have any history with addiction (yourself or your friends/family/etc.), then I would advise that you skip this one. Thank you.

STICK SEASON (WE'll ALL BE HERE FOREVER) WRITING CHALLENGE MASTERLIST

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When I first met Daisy, we were in the crowd at the same concert.

We were both young and stupid kids trying to escape whatever was waiting for us outside of the venue that night.

I felt as if we stuck to each other. Two eyes always meant to lock. Meant to dance together, sing together. No matter what had happened before each of us walked into that room and what happened once we left, we were always meant to be stuck together.

We continued to grow through those concerts. We'd meet outside and find a way to sneak inside. We saw every show that we could get into.

Daisy was better at that than I was. She always had a charm about her. I would happily run in right behind her. Mostly because she usually had my hand clasped in hers anyway.

Being with Daisy was the first time that I felt truly accepted. I thought it had been the music and the crowds around me, but it was all her. She was this beacon of light for me. A lighthouse. I wasn't scared around her. I was more energetic. I was happier. For the time in my life, I had someone that I could truly find joy with.

We saw each other laugh and cry and go through these different moments and phases. I still remember when she told me her new name... her proper name. Daisy Jones.

I knew why she changed it, but she never talked about it. Neither one of us did. Our friendship was an escape from the shitty parts of the world, not a reminder.

And so, we continued. We continued going to shows and meeting these interesting people.

We were both in our late teens when Daisy came running up to me with a smile and a drink in her hand. We were at some party for some band that was admittedly shit.

She wrapped her arm around me as she excitedly yelled my name.

"Hi," I chuckled at her behavior.

"Try this," she held her cup out to me.

"Why," I asked.

"Because it's great," she explained simply.

"Are you..." I leaned forward, acting as if anyone here would truly care. "Are you drunk?"

"What? Nooo!" she shook her head. "Now, try this, please!"

That night, we both ended up stumbling onto my family's back patio. We laid on the wood and stared up at the sky. It was a new kind of escape for both of us. A true disconnect from all of the weight and fear and stress.

It was exactly what we needed.

"I wanna be a star," Daisy said quietly after a while.

I turned my head to her. "You will be."

She looked at me. "I know."

I chuckled.

"I'll bring you along with me," she promised. "Wherever I go, you go. Recording and performing. You can be backstage for every performance. All while you write that fancy book of yours."

"I'll write my book on you," I replied. "You'll be the main character. The star of the show. Just like you already are."

"I like the sound of that," she muttered. She reached over and grabbed my hand. "We are gonna do some great things, (Y/n) (Y/l/n)."

"Yes, we are, Daisy Jones."

We kept going. Going and going.

Drinking turned into experimenting with drugs that Daisy would score from some guy that she knew.

And no matter how out of control we ever got, we were doing great work. We were finding stories and words and sentences that neither one of us ever knew we were looking for.

It was perfect.

She kept her promise.

I was dragged to every party. Every concert she ever attended. I met everyone that she did. We became known as a duo. A reputation. We had a reputation. It was funny to think about even then.

I was there when we realized that her lyrics had been stolen. That guy was an absolute prick, by the way.

I was there when she performed at Simone Jackson's show.

I remember trying to talk her into taking Teddy Price's offer. She refused. She hated the idea of being put in some small box.

I got dragged to the studio when she recorded her first song with the Dunne Brothers.

I was there when they become Daisy Jones & the Six.

We were parts of every single major life event. We witnessed our personal histories. I knew her story like the back of my hand. She could probably recite mine in an album; a song dedicated to the

And I thought that it was a good thing. Daisy did too.

I didn't think about the true nature of our friendship before Daisy ran off before she ran off and got married before the tour started.

It was like being forced to look at old pictures of yourself. You could see the wrinkles that you didn't notice developing over the slow course of time. You could see the dramatic change in height. You could see how your face changed and sharpened.

I was suddenly forced to see how time had changed us. We still fit, but we were deteriorating. Crumbling. All that was truly holding either one of us together was the drinking and the drugs. And we both wanted to claim that it was art.

I continued claiming that it was all due to the art.

Through all of the tour dates and the messes. The fights and the yelling. God, it got so loud with both Daisy and Billy there.

And then, Daisy almost overdosed.

That was when it felt like everything suddenly stopped.

Nicky- Daisy's husband- had run for it. Billy found me in the bathroom trying to help her as I hyperventilated and shook and cried. He took her from me. I curled up against a different wall, just watching silently.

And I realized that I couldn't do it anymore.

I wasn't even thinking about getting myself treated. I didn't think that I could get better. But Daisy... she could do amazing things. I couldn't watch her fall apart anymore.

I packed the next day.

She didn't notice me packing my bags while she was ranting and pacing my room. She was still so angry and upset about Nicky. I understood that. I would have been pissed.

I was only scared of what happened when that anger was aimed at me.

"What are you doing," she finally asked.

"I... I'm leaving," I admitted, staring down at the bag.

"Now?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"I need to."

She scoffed. "Does this really seem like the best time to do this?"

"Yes."

"I just almost fucking died-"

"That's why I have to do this now!"

I finally turned to look at her. We stood in complete silence for the longest time. Just staring at each other.

The worst part was that she was amazing. She was everything that I wanted to be. Confident and clever and funny and just... everything. But I could see that if I continued to see her that way, then I would never be able to help her.

"You're just gonna fucking abandon me?" she muttered. "After everything we've been through? All these years? All because I screwed up?"

"Daisy, we are both screwed up people," I corrected. I felt the tears welling up in my eyes as my voice started shaking. "Neither one of us is fucking healthy. For ourselves or for each other. And I know that you could be amazing. You can be so much better. But if I stay, then I will always be in the way of what you could become. You will never get better with me around."

"You don't know that-"

"But I do. I really do. I have watched both of us try to get better and be better and it has never worked. I am a weight on your back, Daisy. I am a constant reminder... I would always pull you back and we both know that. And I'm sorry that it's taken me so long to realize it. I'm sorry-"

"Stop acting like this is an act of fucking kindness!" she snapped at me. "You are selfish! You are running from the mess! What is it really? Tell me! Is it because of what I'm doing while you can't get a fucking word published? Is that it? Some weird, pent-up jealousy?"

"Daisy, no," I shook my head. "If I stay, then we will both continue on this fucking path. There are two ways that ends: we despise each other or one of us fucking dies!"

Her jaw clenched.

I felt sick to my stomach.

"Well, you don't have to wait," she forced a smirk. One of those angry smirks that would rest on her face to hide her anger or sadness. She had never pointed that smirk at me. "I already fucking despise you, so you can fucking go whenever your bags are packed. Have a nice life!"

She stormed out a few moments later. I flinched a bit as the door slammed shut behind her.

I put a hand over my mouth as I finally broke down sobbing.

I sat down next to my bag for a moment.

The weight of the moment sat on my shoulders and held me there.

I lost the one most constant thing in my life. I lost the person that I found the most joy with.

And it was my fault.

--

"What happened after you left?"

I blinked a few times and looked at Julia- the young woman that was interviewing me. She was Camila's daughter.

I hadn't kept much contact with everyone around the band, but Camila had tried. She sent me a letter after my book had been published. It felt wrong to reject her daughter's request.

"I... I went home," I replied. "To my parents' place. They helped me find treatment and get back on my feet. After that, I got my book published. I kind of just... forced myself to keep going."

"You never reached out to Daisy?"

"It felt like too much of a risk. And I never thought that she'd want to hear from me."

"Oh," she murmured.

"I always wanted to," I explained. "I did. I just... I couldn't."

She nodded, pausing for a moment before speaking up, "If it's any comfort at all... Daisy's the one that asked me to talk to you."

"Really?"

Julia nodded again, a grin spreading on her face. "She wanted me to mention how much she loved your books."

"Oh," I felt a smile pulling at my lips at the idea.

"I don't think she despises you as much as she used to."

I looked down at my lap for a moment. "I hope so."

If that were the case, it made everything feel like it was much more worth it.

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Author's Note: I cried while writing the last half of this. Just in case y'all were wondering about the toll that this story took on me.

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[wenellyb]

Tommy was definitely racist to Hen and Chim. It seems like in season 2 they all moved past it though. Fans don't have to forgive Tommy. He's not owed forgiveness but so far it doesn't seem like Hen and Chim are bothered anymore by his past racism and horrible behavior. In season 2 we saw a change in Tommy and the dynamic at the 118. In season 2 we saw Hen, Chim, and Tommy being friendly together. That doesn't mean he wasn't racist but it seems to imply that they all moved on or at least were able to be okay with each other. This show is known for bad behavior happening onscreen and then we don't see apologies, people just seem to move on so I don't know if we'll ever see Tommy apologize to Hen and Chim for being racist to them.

We haven't seen Tommy being racist or sexist towards Hen and Chim or anyone since season 2. I guess we'll see what happens in season 8. Personally, as long as Hen and Chim are okay with Tommy then I can be okay with Tommy but if they bring up his old behavior and feel like they need him to address it then I am right there with them. When it comes to shows sometimes I feel like if the victims are okay and have moved on then so can I and that's how I view Tommy. If we see Tommy being racist, sexist, or horrible again in anyway then I'll have problems with him again but so far we haven't seen that. He's come back and been nothing but helpful to everyone at the 118. Nothing excuses his past behavior though, not even him being better now.

I think you should definitely block shippers and stans if they impact your enjoyment of a show or character. Please don't let stans ruin things for you.

Hi Anon!!! Thank you for sending this! And honestly I have no problem with people liking Tommy, far from it, I hope I didn't imply that in my previous posts.

My problems are:

1) people who say that Tommy wasn't racist because Hen and Chimney were civil with him when they were working together. As if it's some kind of evidence...a lot of people have been civil and polite to racist coworkers, for various reasons (for exemple: they weren't in a position where they would afford to jeopaedize their job).

2) people who act like the fandom should forgive Tommy because Hen and Chimney forgave him. Racism is a complexe issue that can't be summarized in a Tumblr post. But it's not as simple as Hen and Chimney were the "victims", in the case of racism, the victim isn't only the person it's direct towards, but a whole group of people.

Let me give a stupid example, but just to explain what I mean. Let's say A says the n-word to B. Later, A apologizes and B forgives A because he was drunk or didn't realize what he was saying or for whatever reason, it doesn't mean that other Black people should forgive A. That slur wasn't only directed at B, even though B was the victim in that scenario, that slur targets every Black person who witnessed or heard about that conversation.

(I apologize I'm bad at giving example I hope you understand what I mean😭)

If Hen and Chimney, have fogiven Tommy it doesn't mean that other fans should "get over it", unless they want to.

If Hen and Chimney forgiving Tommy is enough for you then that's ok, more than ok, but it might not be the case for everyone, especially non-White fans.

Side note, I also don't like when people assume the only reason other people dislike Tommy as a character is because they ship Buddie. Some of them do, but not all of them.

Thank you for the ask, I really appreciate your input.

And you're right, I'll start blocking some people, at first, I thought I shouldn't be blocking some people because we're part of the same fandom but that's obviously the wrong strategy.

[nekohime19]

Part 3 of the MK x oc AITA post!! Things are getting even more awkward cause now Wukong wants to be involved 😭.

Part1 / Previous

MK update 1

Lagt :

Dude. Yeah kinda the asshole, like I think you just gonna man up and explain it was a gut reaction

Like the poor guy XD definitely deserves an apology

OP :

Yeaaah, I screwed up with this one 😭. I guess I just have to come clean, huh. Oh boy this is gonna be awkward.

Sakurabloom_26 :

Definitely the AH in this scenario (don’t blame you for the gut reaction though, I’m hemophobic (fear of blood) and I always have to close my eyes whenever I need to draw blood so I get it)

What you should do is go to Rainbow’s apartment, apologize for the punch, explain your gut reaction (and the fact that you couldn’t tell that he was a spider from how drunk you were), and offer to make amends in some way.

Also, sweet little babu, how much of a lightweight are you, because if you got that drunk from one drink maybe you should avoid drinking outside of your own home 😰

Anyway, good luck with Rainbow, and hope that the guy isn’t one to hold a grudge.

“Sending virtual hug and kiss on the forehead”

OP :

Yeah, phobias are a mess to deal with. Kinda out of control. I should totally explain myself, it's gonna be awkward but, hey not the first time I'm in an awkward position 🥲.

😬 I thought being a hero would give me more tolerance to alcohol but that's not how it work… Yeah, I should be more careful.

Thanks for the hugs and kiss!

Sooo here we go for an update! Thanks you guys for your responses it was really helpful 😌.

After reading you guys' responses and feeling like an AH, I decided that I needed to apologize. Poor guy didn't deserve that punch. Plus I’m kinda worried… I don't want to brag but I am quite the powerhouse 💅. I'm worried I broke Rainbow's nose or something 😬.

I also want my jacket back.

Buuuuut… I know myself, and I know how I get around spiders. So I took a few days to train before going, 😅. Might sound stupid but my objective was to look at Rainbow long enough to apologize and explain the situation and not freak out.

And oh boy, it was tough. 😭

I didn't want to take too long cause it would be even more awkward to show up several months after the incident (as I call it) and say something like : “Heyyy, remember me? We slept together and I punched you 😅”. That's totally lame! So I fixed myself a limit.

One week!

I battled demon overlords and resolved three apocalypses! I can totally get better around spiders in one week!

So that's how the “Get Over Spiders” secret operation started! I printed pictures of spiders to train and not freak out, and read books about them (which didn't help at all cause spider world is BRUTAL ☠️). I even bought a spider plushie! Okay… so I put the plushie in my cabinet and never looked back at it after one night. But I swear its beady plastic eyes were looking at me 😭.

I think my friends might have noticed something was going on but I'm not sure what they’re imagining exactly, 😬. Like, Mentor just raised an eyebrow when he found pictures of spiders in my training back and I'm kinda scared to even ask what he thought about it. I mean… having pictures of spiders in my backpack isn't really normal behavior for me 😭.

Good news, after all this training I was able to look at a spider for ten minutes without freaking out 🎉. I also found out Rainbow is a peacock spider, and they don't have lethal venom! Bad news is females peacock spiders also eat their mate after the mating ☠️. But Rainbow is a guy so… I hope he won't eat me.

Anyway after one week I went back to Rainbow's flat and knocked on the door, stealing my nerves. This was THE moment of truth. Luckily Rainbow was home, and so he opened the door.

😬

I froze the moment I saw him 😭. He's not ugly, but the chelicerae and the four eyes, man… It just triggers me. BUT thanks to my amazing secret training! I managed to unfroze. Wow me! I deserve praise! And free noodles.

Conversation was awkward. It went like this :

Me : Hey. ( I was kinda relieved to see his nose wasn’t broken but just a bit bruised, small victory. Still I feel so bad 😭).

Rainbow (frowning) : What do you want?

Me : I'm, huh, sorry. For the punch. Truth is… I

I have arachnophobia and it was a gut reaction, really. I'm sorry.

I'm not kidding, Rainbow went pale. Like, sheet of paper white. Like I just kicked a puppy in front of him pale.

Rainbow : Oh Gods I-I, huh, I didn't force myself on you, did I?

Me : No, no, no, no. I, huh I was drunk and it was dark, I didn't probably see you. N-not saying that you're not attractive or whatever, cause you're fine, mighty fine, super fine, but, huh, I-I spiders are… well…I'm not saying spiders are bad… Or that you're bad cause you're a spider… I just… I…

I stopped talking cause I was embarrassing myself 😭. Words vomit, man. Rainbow looked as embarrassed as me.

Rainbow: Yeah, yeah, huh… wanna come inside? Wait no… you're probably not comfortable with that. Just, wait here.

Rainbow then scrambled in his flat, looking quite panick-y. He came back with a bag and my jacket inside.

Me : Thanks man.

Rainbow : Yeah, no problem.

We stood awkwardly facing each other for a few minutes in total silence ☠️. Then I robotically turned and left 🤖.

This was the most awkward moment of my life 🙃.

I went back to my flat and picked up my jacket. I then noticed that the few loose ends were stitched back together.

And like, awww ? Did he do that? Did he stitch it back? That's actually so sweet.

Not kidding, my heart fluttered a little. But JUST a little.

I felt even more guilty for the punch though 😬.

I wondered if I should come back another day and give him some bandaids or a balm or something. But turns out I didn't have to cause Rainbow showed up on his own at my boss's noodle shop the day after, 😭.

Let me explain.

I was hanging out with my friends at my boss's shop, even Mentor was there, him and even his ex-enemy he has a lot of tension with (look, even if I'm not an expert on love, even I can see the tension between these two old monkeys 🙄).

But my boss, we'll call him Dadsy, ordered his rival noodles. Something about testing the enemy. But Dadsy didn't want to walk into his rival shop, something about pride and bla-bla-bla, I didn‘t listen. So he ordered noodles, and who came to deliver the noodles in the shop? Rainbow ☠️.

I stiffened, he stiffened. We looked at each other ☠️. Then he quickly gave the noodles to Dadsy, and, I'm not kidding, ran away as if his butt was on fire.

Most of my friends found it odd but I played the fool. No way I'm talking about my one-night stand to my friends, especially with Dadsy and Mentor here! NO WAY! So I just said I stiffened cause, ya know, Rainbow is a spider demon… Lame excuse. But they seemed to buy it. 😅

But then!! To MY ABSOLUTE HORROR, the day after, as I was leaving Mentor after another training session, he said :

Mentor : So… the pie guy, huh? I knew I smelled another scent on you, but I didn't expect that.

☠️

☠️☠️☠️

I'm not one to swear but…

FUCK!

First, why is he calling Rainbow the pie guy? 🤨

Second, this is mortifying. Before I could reply Mentor said :

Mentor : don't worry, bud. It's mating season for monkeys. So I get it. I might even help you. 😉

And I'm like, HELP ME??? HELP ME DO WHAT?

I was too shocked to answer, so I just went back to my flat. 😭.

I PRAY that Mentor don't do anything. Like this is already really awkward. At the same time I don't really want to talk about my one-night stand with Mentor ☠️. What am I supposed to say??? “Rainbow is just a guy I slept with, no strings attached, kinda funny but I punched him the day after? Lol” this is so awkward! 😬

I'm still kinda curious why Mentor called Rainbow “pie guy” though, I might go Monkey Cop mode on that 🤔.

But what should I do??? 😭

[thessalian]

Thess vs The Best Bits of the Holidays

Now, don't get me wrong. Gifts are nice. I love them, and I appreciate them - mostly because someone thought of me. Which is why my actual favourite part of these gift-giving holidays is when I very, very clearly Did A Good.

Honestly, the reaction I got to the Christmas snack hamper I put together for him this year made the hell that was the Saturday afternoon before Christmas in the West End entirely worth it. I did good with the brie, I did good with the crackers, he looked really impressed with the jams and pickles from this speciality place-- Okay, part of why the West End was that St Martin In The Fields' crypt area (which is, like, a cafe and a place where you can do rubbings of the old tombs and stuff) was having a Christmas market, and I figured I'd see what was available. There's this company called The Wooden Spoon Preserving Co, which is this little place in Kent that does homemade preserves and pickles and stuff and I will totally buy honey from there. Anyway, they had some little gift bits - sample-size jars of jam and a couple of chutneys - so I picked those up as things to have with his crackers and brie. I also got a gift box with a few single-serve bottles of port, and a few things from Chinatown - some mystery sesame cookies, some chocolate mochi, and Pocky, which I had to explain to my stepdad but he seemed into it. He loved everything and I was thrilled because he is SO HARD TO BUY GIFTS FOR OMG.

Now, Mum. Mum's been really keen on dogs for awhile - hence her Nova Scotia duck tolling retriever, Digby. But she settles for dogs in general because toller retrievers are not one of the more commonly known dogs and thus don't appear on merch that often. She also likes "funky" socks. For her birthday (which is barely a week before Christmas), I got her a mug with dachshunds on it. For Christmas, I got her a "Puppucino" T-shirt from TeeTurtle (she likes my TeeTurtle T-shirts, y'see) ... and after a fair bit of looking, I found her a pair of socks with toller retrievers on them. My hint to her for that gift this year was, "For when you want to walk with Digby". Because with tollers on them, she always will be. Anyway, she loved all of it and I think the only reason she didn't put them on immediately was because we were right up close to dinner time.

(Yeah, that was the Traditional Christmas Argument - my stepdad was wanting to get the food on the table dot on time and didn't want to interrupt his work in the kitchen to open gifts, so he suggested opening gifts after dinner. I am a traditionalist, and my family tradition has always been, "We open the family gifts before dinner". Which, okay, probably had something to do with things like "the family stood a better chance of being in an argumentative and mood-killing state of drunk after dinner so we open the gifts before so as not to spoil it for me", but those things still stick. I think it was my somewhat disappointed reaction to the idea that turned the tide of that argument. Still glad it did, though. I'm awful at waiting for people's reactions to what I got them.

Now, as for what I got ... well, the weighted blanket I asked for is going to have to wait until my birthday, as those things are apparently difficult to order in a timely manner if you want a really good one, but that's fine; I'll make do with "All The Duvet" weight for now. What I did get were two of what we will call my "big ticket" items. I wanted pasta bowls, because it's easier eating risotto and pasta out of a bowl than off a plate and all my regular bowls are too small. So I got two really pretty ones - the trim even matches my better plates (though my 'better' plates aren't that good - one day I need a whole-ass tableware set). I also asked for a cast iron casserole dish, the kind of thing that gets called a Dutch oven - the ones that you can use both on the stove and in the oven, y'know? I have some recipes that I really wanted to do but required one of those to do properly. And I figured I'd wait until Christmas because while I could afford one, my parentals could afford a good one.

Guys. It was Le Creuset.

Le Creuset, incidentally, is a big deal. And I kind of hoped, y'know? Because it followed the pattern. I asked for saucepans one year - I got Le Creuset. I asked for the baking dish - I got Le Creuset. The deep frying pan with the lid wasn't, though, but it is Tefal, which is still pretty excellent. But ... yeah, not only is my new casserole dish Le Creuset, but they got it specifically to match the colour of the baking dish they got me a few years back now.

I do not hide my happy reactions from the parentals - or anyone else, frankly. I want them to know how much I appreciate the things they do for me. So I hugged the lid and made the squee noise. They got the idea.

Dinner was good too. Mum's figured out how to brine a whole-ass turkey (albeit a small turkey), and that made all the difference to my actually wanting to eat the thing. From "I'm not really into turkey" to "Could I please take some leftovers home?" in one simple step. My contribution - the mint chocolate cheesecake - went over very well; Mum was too full to finish her slice but looked really regretful about it, and when I asked them to please, please keep some of the leftover because I would not finish it, they kept half the thing with the intent to feed it to my stepsiblings and stepniblings when they go over to the parentals' on Boxing Day. So good enough to share! Huzzah!

Unfortunately it was a bad symptom day. I don't generally like my parentals seeing me on bad symptoms day. But that might have been why Digby the parental dog was so keen on basically bundling in my lap while doing his usual nursing-substitute behaviour (he wasn't weaned early; he's just Like That); trying to comfort me. Or my mother could be right when she says I "have the magic touch"; between knowing where to pet and how much pressure to use, knowing where scritches are best applied and how hard, and frankly having the patience to pet a friendly animal for hours if permitted, I guess you could say that. Either way, it was still a good day no matter how much I hurt.

Happy holidays, guys. Hope it was as good as mine, and without the pain flare.

[runningfrom2am]

the sea around us; chapter five

TW: emetophobia, vomiting

*:･ﾟ✧*:･

I excused myself from everyone as they were talking about what to do now that JJ has blown our chances at "laying low", deciding to walk home. I grabbed my cooler backpack with my twelve-pack in it, which I didn't even end up touching, and trudged down the road.  JJ didn't plan on shooting anyone, I know that about him. He would never. The fact that he would hold a loaded gun to my brother's head though, did catch me off guard. I felt sick, oh god, I have about fifteen seconds before I start hurling my guts out on the side of the road- I don't know if it is the copious amounts of alcohol I consumed or the image of my brother with a gun to his head that's making me this nauseous.

I stop and lean away from the road as I start throwing up, holding my hair back with one hand, and resting the other on my knee. After a couple of minutes, I see headlights coming towards me. Awesome. I wipe off my mouth on my arm and stand up, I think I'm done puking my guts out now anyways. I keep walking, reaching into my bag and cracking another drink, hoping to rinse out my mouth and then finish it to keep myself from fully settling into sobriety and realizing the weight of the situation. Of course, I understand how serious what just happened was, but I can tell it hasn't really hit me yet.

The car rolls to a stop next to me as I'm spitting out the swig of Twisted Tea I used to wash the taste of vomit out of my mouth, and I look up as I hear a familiar voice.

"Hey, Snowy, you alright?" Topper. Sarah is in the passenger seat with him, arms crossed, looking straight at the road ahead of her.

"Hi Topper," I say, giving an awkward wave. "You didn't happen to see me hurling my guts out just now, did you?" I try and joke, knowing that of course, they saw.

"Uh, maybe just the tail end. Would you like a ride?" Sarah sighs and leans her head back against the seat as he says this. I've never had a real problem with Sarah personally, but I can understand why she'd be pissed at me now.

"I should be fine, only about five k's to the chateau," I say, a ride would be sweet, but I don't want to intrude, especially after the fight we just had with them.

"I don't know what a 'k' is, but I know where you live and at this rate, you'll get there around six am, Snowy. Hop in. Please." Topper pleads. Despite what happened, he cares for me. I haven't spent heaps of time with him, but he's Kegs' best friend, and he knows how much I mean to him.

I nod a little and get in the back, sliding across the seat so I'm behind Sarah. "Where's Kegs?" I ask quietly once we start moving. "I thought he was with you."

"He went to Erin's," Topper replied, looking at me in the rearview mirror. I take another sip of my drink and nod. Of course he's at Erin's.

"Hey, uh, Sarah?" I say quietly, trying to get her attention. She just hums in response, letting me know she's listening. "I... I'm really sorry I called you a liar. I'm not going to use the excuse that I was drunk, but I am wasted so..." I trail off, I need to get back on the point. "I don't think you were lying. From your distance, I'm sure that's exactly what it looked like. If I didn't panic, it would have been about four seconds before you would have been right, anyways..."

"It's fine," Sarah replied flatly. "I was looking out for you, Kegs just wants you to be safe. And happy." Of course, she knew he would react that way, but why wouldn't I be safe with JJ?

"Why wouldn't I be safe with JJ, I'm with him all the time."

"He just thinks you'd be better off if you hung out with us more. A less risky lifestyle than with the pogues." She explains and I nod softly, even though she can't see me. Classic Kegs, always thinks he knows what's best, and that popularity is the most important thing.

"We literally are pogues. We factually live on the cut, we have one bathroom for six people, for fucks sake. He's just good at golf and went to private school back home, and is likable. I never had that. I'll never be him.." I reply, but I am truly thankful that she cares. Sarah turns to face me, and she has a genuinely sympathetic look on her face.

"I do think you're pretty cool, Snowy. You're welcome to hang out with me and my friends sometime, I can't imagine Top and Rafe are really your scene." Sarah smiles at me and I return it with a slight nod. I doubt I'll take her up on it, there's no way I would fit in with her and her friends, but it was still nice of her to offer.

"Hey, can I interest you in a nice, almost room temp Twisted Tea?" I ask, changing the subject as I hold my bag up to her if she wants to take one. Sarah laughs as she grabs one.

"Thanks, Snowy."

*:･ﾟ✧*:･

When I get home, I hardly get the door shut before my mom starts shouting at me. "Juliette, are you kidding me right now? Keegan just called me and said your friend tried to kill him!"

I sigh and set my bag down, kicking off my sand-filled shoes. "Yeah, he left a key part out of that story." I try and explain, but apparently, she's not having it.

"It doesn't matter, Juliette." He could have been killed tonight and you don't care?"

"Of course, I care, Mom. I- He was literally drowning John B! His head was under the water for so long that he passed out, and Kegs just held him there!" I mean, John B didn't technically actually drown, but that definitely would have happened if JJ didn't step in. "He wasn't listening to me! He wouldn't stop! JJ had to do something."

"He didn't have to try and kill him. I cannot believe you are defending the kid who tried to kill your brother! What is wrong with you?"

Clearly, this isn't going anywhere, so grab my bag as I walk past her to go to my room as she grabs a glass off the counter and throws it at me, just missing as it smashes against the wall. I lock myself in the room that I share with the twins and sigh. I turn around to see them both staring at me from their bunk bed that is on the far wall. They look terrified, tears have stained Deck's cheeks, and Anna just looks shocked. We can still hear our parents talking outside, having a heated discussion about what they're going to do.

"You two should be asleep," I say, walking into our closet to get changed into some pajamas.

"We heard Mom yelling," Deck says quietly as I remove my shirt and bathing suit, facing away from them.

"Did JJ really try to kill Keegs?" Anna asks me and I shake my head.

"He wasn't going to hurt him. He just needed to get his attention." I explain, pulling a new shirt over my head and closing the door so they don't see me change my bottoms.

I come out once I get changed and go sit on the bottom bunk with Deck as he clings on to me, and I hug him back. "Snowy, that was scary."

"I know," I whisper, giving him a kiss on the top of his head.

"Can you sleep here with me?" He asks and I nod, laying down and pulling Deck down with me gently.

"So, was Pope there?" Anna asks me from the top bunk, leaning over the side so I can see just see her face in the dark, as he hair dangles down below her.

"Yes, Pope was there, Anna. Now get back to sleep." I chuckle, holding my little brother as she lays back down and keeps asking me questions about him. "Goodnight, Anna," I say in response, so she knows I won't be answering her anymore.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･

A/N;

Just a short chapter this time, but it felt like the right place to stop.

Business as usual, please let me know what you're thinking! I hardly have any readers so now is a great time to get your suggestions in since I am super active in writing this and I'm more than willing to incorporate different ideas :) Shoot me a message or leave a comment!

Also, I left a little poll so please share your thoughts!

Thanks for reading!

-R

[heartshapedcreaturefromcriptoon]

One such example of the difference between "Good" and genuinely bad form vivziepop/Hazbin Hotel Fans that drive everyone to hatred, is that are those of us who are absolutely avoiding the leaks and want fuck all to do with that shit and will block you if you so much as mention it to us, and can afford to do such a thing as a fully matured adult audience with lives and interests outside of just constant cartoon consumption....

And then there's genuinely off putting pigfucker bitches like petitprinces1 who are so sloppy they can't be bothered to find a header that isn't a moving gif with the freaking "AMAZON" logo still attached and they're just like:

"Erm....Yusss.....x3 I seen da leaks.....x3 Nope wont spoil anythin' even tho im answering asks abt it right the fuck now n' addressing Viv herself like shes in da room w me rn anyway KUDDOS Viv i did NAWT see dat 1 cumming!!!! x3 If da rest of u who put the dumb in fandumb literally want lil' ol' meh, ur reigning princess of stupidity, to send u the leaks so u can potentially spread them moar bein an idiot like i am plz DM meh cuz u kno ill delete u if ur dumb enough to actually ask in a reply id rather if u ask me to spread the leaks 4 u in meh DMs if ur gonna ask 4 leaks cuz im not a regular fandumb mom im a 20% COOLER fandumb mom!!! x3 Im so cool that if u ask me for leaks in my replies I GUESS....... ill prolly just delete ur comment instead of just blocking u like everyone else would bc im different and *i* have no boundaries and *i* dont know *HOW* to block ppl!!! x3 i also apparently wrote DISNEY JUNIOR FANFICTION at one point when i was in my late late teens/early early 20s which would imply i went directly from *THAT* to HAZBIN which explains a lot about me dont it? x3 ANYWAY HMU VIA DM IF U WANT ALL DA SEASON 2 LEAKS!!! x3"

Like gurl ...

Like, gurl...

Fake arse fan here to stress real people out just like like all the shitty clickbait bros here only you're a little Candace Owens about it it...

Speaking of Candace...

Uh, once again, my name is NOT "Hearts" and yes the fuck I did Ashface Snitchdale, again, it's free internetz, it's my hot blog and I do what I want, and yo' mama's been blocked for over 4+ years even before she tried and failed to troll me via block evading on anon... I just use an incognito now sometimes when I wanna roll my eyes because my block and stayfree options get broken and I'm forced to perceive she exists and re-block her anyway, keep scrollin'!

Oh and again, it's not "a real double edged sword" or whatever the fuck fandumb centrist bullshit that petitprincess1 is spouting as she's helping spread the leaks to people and let us be very fucking black and white about this okay? Okay. READY? I DON'T CARE! :D

If you indulge the leaks or help spread them, in public or in DMs... You are not a true fan... You are a fake fan... And you need to delete and leave the fandom!

If you: "Feel bad for being happy or excited over something that was so devastating for the crew and feel guilty for finding joy or even 'relief' in those leaks 'because of the results' of the US election.." or whatever the fuck bullshit excuse you made up to help you feel better or whatever... I'm paraphrasing because I don't fucking care what made you do it ... You SHOULD feel bad, you SHOULD feel guilty... You are not a true fan, you're a fake fan.... You not only need to delete and leave the fandom, BUT, you should feel even WORSE for confiding all of your bullshit to the tumblr fandumbs biggest bullshitter, Leeanne, (petitprincess1) someone who should've deleted her online presence years ago for presenting and behaving with all the tackiness and immaturity a of young/republican Trump Supporter anyway... THERE I SAID IT, and I'm probably not the only one too! I mean Viv herself is like... The cutest lil' Scene Kitten/Drunk Girlie at the party who actually thought Coconut Charli XCX Lady would win while raving to that Practical Magic Margarita Song all night long while making Actual Margaritas ...Those of you of you who've actually indulged the leaks and spoiled yourselves for ANY reason are selfish and entitled (as I always knew some of you were) and should be ashamed for doing that to her! You are not true fans. You are not one of us. Leave the fandom.

To think I once called out petitprincess1 for stealing my friends shit and running them off the internet and block evading to further harass me and now I'm calling her out for being complacent and helping spread leaks of the second season of Medrano's entire show! I was going to make a sort of Deep Cut TMI (for some of you people, not for me..) joke about how me and Leeanne ("apparently") shared "the same" Blorbo in the "Lion King" fandom albeit in two entirely Different Eras of Fandom ( mine being the superior one) but I think all of the obvious caveats and quotation would imply how I don't even so much as acknowledge disney junior shit as canon and because I don't watch shows meant for toddlers and therefore it's not the same fandom and not even the same "blorbo" at all and then I got angry and went on the other, more important, vent session because, yeah... It really did all just come down to one big, full circle of bullshit with her this time, didn't it? I'm truly done!

Like, bye bitch I'm never tipping your lolcow again.

Speaking of tipping... She's probably never actually paid an artist in this fandom or brought any actual art in like a while has she? No.

I peek at her blog to see if she posted her playbill if she even paid for one and I find something so much worse.

Oof.

[feminist-minimalist]

Psychiatric Wards & Hospitals, My Experiences

I've been diagnosed with PTSD, depression, a few other things that seem to have been merged into these diagnoses after further context and I've had some odd experiences as psych patient.

First, let me say this: sometimes, they *can* help. They *can* be a way to decompress and stabilize. Everybody's experience is different as is everybody's mental health team and psych ward/hospital rules. This serves as a disclaimer to say that I am not a licensed mental health professional.

That said, I have to say, they are not the best and have served me more bad than good. Let me explain.

The first time, I called the cops on myself. I was angry and distraught that I had tried to seek him out for support because I was feeling really suicidal and depressed about my time with a hostile and toxic work environment. Even though I left, I still felt the effects. The cop was professional, caring, and receptive, to be fair. But..also, a Jordan Peterson follower. So....eh. Not great, but not terrible. I kind of just tuned out. I had a chef's knife to my chest, but called the cops before I took irreversible action. I still can remember how sharp it was, with the tip brushing up against me but also how annoyed I was that I didn't think I could press down hard enough.

So, the hospital. Honestly? I had a mixed experience, but in some ways, kind of was really...all right. I called the cops on myself to get help, and I really did feel connected to the patients there. Food was fucking amazing. I slept a little better. Had some meds. The only bad parts? An annoying conspiracy theorist for COVID as well as a misogynist, and a few other people that I just...honestly felt sorry for but still were these angry balls of addiction. They calmed down after awhile and though they were still struggling, were ok conversationalists. The only bad part? One of the employees there kept saying "he's still your dad", which didn't help though it was meant in a loving way and I took it in the spirit they were implying. Still was invalidating though. The experience after coming home sucked. I was going through it with a bad landlady. I got her fired though. Still sucked to go through.

Next! So the next hospital. Really not great. It was an inpatient/outpatient facility and they knew me on an outpatient basis. Or I thought they did. I never felt respected by them as an abuse survivor. While I did CBT shit, they kept trying to diagnose me with something that was obviously untrue. Doesn't matter what it was now though since I ceased services and really made it clear I wasn't happy with them. This was in Florida during COVID. So. Yeah. That caused some problems considering I was definitely one of those "mask up and vaccinate" types and everyone else really wasn't. It literally caused so much stress with their neglectful attitude towards my very real complaints and concerns that it brought up this trauma from BEFORE Urissa. I had body memories of my Uncle Scott tackling me out of nowhere when I was a toddler. Big drunk guy who was a careless idiot. There were witnesses but I never went to the hospital and no charges were filed even though I was crawling around. I barely could stand after he tackled me. We weren't playing football and I wasn't interested in sports. So...yeah. Anyway.

That was probably the most directly damaging one. The way they framed me was acting out. But I had been repressing this shit FOR YEARS and unsafe people and places were essentially a "get over it" thing for the people I went to for help. They also misdiagnosed me. I had to argue with them to change it. It sucked. I got blamed for things that weren't my fault.

Again though, food was fine. People mostly fine except for some annoying patients and caregivers. But the reasons why I was there was dumb. I felt like I was heightened into a psychotic break *because* caregivers weren't caring. I came back a little better with a new perspective with my trauma finally jostled, but I was gobsmacked by the mistreatment there and at UNF. Wasn't suicidal on admittance, but definitely was in a position to have a full blown PTSD flashback, turned psychotic break. I was there to get permission for a medical withdrawal, which turned out to um...not be needed. Also, UNF campus security was attempting to silence and dismiss my issues. They did that.

Next!

Moved to a different state. Felt the walls closing in after I failed my truck driving skills test and didn't have a plan to return to uni (back at uni now of course though). Confronted poor family support, financial support cut off. Emotional support always nonexistent. So. Here's the thing with that. I had tried to kill myself by starving myself and not drinking water. I went to Lovelace and they said "eh" and threw me out. I tried again. I went to my uni hospital. They checked me out. Did find my vitals to be off and a thyroid problem. Gave me fluids. Sent me to psych hospital. Guess what happened? They turned me away when I called them out on giving me an inappropriate medication! They basically told me "yes, I think you need help, but no inpatient.

Hmmmmmmmmmmm. I still don't know how to feel about that. I mean. I'm glad I could have my sleep apnea device at home. I'm glad I got some food (still dealing with food insecurity due to being a student and not eligible for food stamps). I'm glad I could masterbate in the privacy of my own home. But still. Food good. I felt really bad. And I was hoping for three square meals til I felt better after my suicide attempt since I had no money, but I had Medicaid!

Anyway, I think the takeaway here is that, yes, in some cases, they can help. But all I can think about are the injustices and annoyances of some of them. I'll say this much. I wasn't comfortable as a sexual assault and rape survivor forced to spend time around other people with no fucking privacy. Other people definitely exposed themselves on purpose and seemed to kind of prod me over that fact. It was deeply violating. Fuck you that One Florida Mental Hospital.

Now there was one time where I went to a psych ward just to get away from Urissa. And I really was having a major dissociative moment where I was like "what the fuck is this chick doing"?!! And that really was just a floor. No privacy. No bed. Just a fucking chair with a table like in a school. Now. I will say this. I loved being away from Urissa. I loved being able to sleep (albeit in a chair like Grandpa Simpson). The burgers and fries for food was good. Really good. But I still was just...not having any space for myself. The caregivers were overworked. But I got some time to decompress from my abusive rapist.

And that's that.

No. You are unlikely to be 100 percent comfortable and unbothered in a psych ward. I wasn't allowed electronics in any of the places I went to, which made it worse, or have any space for myself. I hated not being able to masturbate. But I never just fucking jacked it in the open like some of the other patients I was with. Sometimes you'll deal with people that will not help you get better. The only reason why I'm saying that wellllllll yes, they can be helpful is that if you are someone that has always kind of self-parented, was neglected, but still figured it out, you'll have a space to ponder without those family members that don't help and no school or work to work through it on your own. With That One Florida Mental Hospital, I literally had a psychotic break to help me through it. I've never had psychosis before or after. It was literally just my brain going "LISTEN TO ME, YOU ARE TRAUMATIZED WORK THROUGH IT!!!!" But the fact that they just kind of diagnosed that instead of straight PTSD always irks me.

Also, if you are obese and short, good fucking luck if you went in involuntarily without allowable clothes on the floor. Because when I went in, the scrubs kept breaking and actually exposed me involuntarily and that's not great for people who have been sexually abused and raped.

They really are a mixed bag. And if you wanna get better, you really have to advocate for yourself and make good faith attempts to plead your case if you are unheard.

Good luck with them! You deserve a therapeutic relationship with your caregivers and to be heard on your concerns!